Let's do the footsie

What are the odds that he actually keyed in this url and actually read the previous post? For one, I was elated that he came by! Hahahaha. So my punishment was I had to let him smoke at his every wish. And I did. I realized that he will never stop smoking unless he really wants it. Like, really wants it. Oh thanks to those who've encouraged him to say something about the superbike. Kudos.

I have a bundle of albums taken in December to keep me happy along the way. I will recall vividly the colors, and let them prance around in my thoughts as I try desperately to keep focus on work.

New Toys

I'm missing someone I'm not supposed to miss. But I guess that statement by itself is already wrong. You should be allowed to miss whoever your heart is thinking of. Even though it was you who decided that you did not need the person anymore in your life. I did some cruel things, I know.

Secretly looking at how you are doing and wishing you well. Its not as funny as pointing out someone's face that resemble the pre-dominant figure. Ok paham ke. I miss you and your childish sense of humor.

Tantalizing

Kali ni tempat kejadian dipilih oleh jengga. Dia seorang kawan baik yang tahu akan minat dan kehendak aku. Seronok berkawan dengan dia. Bungalow merah menjadi tempat jiwa remaja bertemu dan membuat persembahan dan berkongsi apa-apa yang mereka pendam kan. Aku terasa kehebatan aura dikelilingi orang-orang hebat seni. Pretty darn awesome. Apis kereta rosak masa tu. Perfect timing sangat.

Ada orang ambil gambar camera aku. Eh eh macam artis kamu ye miss thangg. Hari yang seronok, walaupun hujan tak berhenti-henti. Aku berpura-pura aku berada di London, bandar yang sentiasa lembap dan basah itu.

High Skies

The following day I had a series of weddings. It was exciting. To get all dolled up traditionally donning the baju kurungs. I'd usually opt for kebaya but felt lazy since we had to travel across states just to keep our promise to our friends.

My bestfriend's wedding was overlapped with my other good friend's wedding. It was heart wrenching to pry myself away from her reception. She whispered to us, ' wait for the slideshow'. I waited, and saw that most of the pictures were of us during school. I felt gutted. Happiness and sadness all in one day. My off days are coming to a near end..

Girl Cycle

I don't really like to cloud my entries with ambiguity or to cover it up so that I am not too revealing. Instead, I'd rather jot down what I've been up to so that I can recollect my thoughts and experience along the way. Don't really think it is a good idea to have to justify myself or my actions for that matter..

Karaoke behind my house was, super fun even though we had an outsider who joined us. Yes, your voice was like pure gold. I got confused with why you were there. It just goes to show how long ago it was since I last hung out with girlfriends. Girrllss. Haha.

I slapped myself silly as I was underestimating others and assuming that we all had the same definition when it came to being happy or happily stuck to one guy.

Time to move on

New year everybody! So far, my time spent has been worth every second. I am practically running around chasing my friends' big day from Yatt's in Shah Alam to Shah's in Seremban to mister charismatic bassist in Saujana Impian (whom we extensively talked about from 10 pm til 2 am at william's the day before). A big fat CONGRATULATIONS to all of you who tied the knot!

Eh eh baru je 2 hari aku bercuti? Gilers. I am constantly finding my nose stuffed silly and sneezing like an allergy freak. No-offense to those who are easily allergic, tho. I had an humongous and elaborate plan for the next couple of days but am shutting those down for my own sanity.

My friend who has been with his gf for the past 7 years found out that someone else went to her house to ask for her hand and he found out after it happened. And all she said was, "its time to move on". Like, are you serious? Nowadays you can actually get away with just saying that?? Ah some times you can't win them all can you.

Happy planning people.

Haji Ayah

I took this photo from dad's facebook. In his delectable spread, I see things each of my siblings would enjoy. Mama the hot drink. Abang the curry and rice. Wan, mutton anything and rice, and a fruit later cause he eats like a horse. Et pour moi, le gateux! Happy belated birthday to ayah.

Its cute you and mama still celebrate these things. I hope I'll grow old to be as happy as you guys are.

Clue : Ipoh

Siapa hebat boleh bawak aku pergi sini?

Katzen

There are no cats offshore. Only cockroaches. And scumbags with bigger cocks and ego to match.

Jengae

Today I miss story telling. I miss doing it to my other buddy. You resemble so much happiness to me. I wish you well, and I will hot glue gun ur cute butt to somewhere next to mine.

Morning Love!

Did I ever get to the part where I tell you that I'm a morning person?

Roti canai at Ipoh, sand castles in Teluk Batek, star gazing at Taman Polo.

You really need to keep up with me this time.

Cue : Exit

Fahamkah engkau kenapa aku berasa sedih, jauh di sini. Di tengah-tengah lautan coklat kelabu, aku sentiasa ingat pada kau. Bila kau tiada, aku beralih perhatian kepada perkara-perkara duniawi yang lain.

Manusia lain. Mereka bermain bahasa isyarat dengan diri ku. Apa yang perlu aku balas? Atau tidak. Perasaan teruja ini, sekiranya dilayan, boleh kah membuat hatiku lupakan diri kau? Duduk diam-diam, seorang diri sahaja. Aku tetap tunggu kau. Tetapi kau tidak perasan. Walaupun diri ku jauh, tetapi kadang-kadang aku rasa kau sendiri yang sengaja membuat jarak kita ini menjadi alasan.

Kau bosan kan, sebenarnya? Atau aku ini sudah membosankan. Sehingga kau boleh terlupa akan diri ku buat sejenak.

Satu Bintang

Masjid Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin, Brunei 2009.

I am offshore now, this time on the Lewek Conqueror. Its a much bigger barge, with 8 anchors ( I think I'd count them all right) and the largest swell of 2 meters can only sway ever so gently and rock me through the night like a baby.

There's a lot of hype, hope and anxiety when the year is coming to an end. All the crew wants their christmas, and new years celebration on land, with family. I just want to go home already.

Can't wait.

Oversaturated

Im rumaging through my photo album that I efforlessly lug around with me when I am off to work. They never fail to keep me company. Today the electronic technician Ling mentioned how dark my skin is getting. Today would be the second time he did that.

We continued the conversation, with me teaching him a thing or two about SPFs and how to work out the math behind it. He noted that I was keen to go for my overdue facial.

And it ended with me giving him a fair warning to not spoil my day(s) offshore by even mentioning my skin tone.

And I did all that in hua yu.

Record Setting

Miri, 2009.

And again, today, this evening I was dumb enough to let him tread over my fragile frame and crush it in under 0:06 seconds flat.

Mode for cancel cancel and cancel.

Holiday Planning

Yes its almost that time of the year. The time when I can take a whole fat month off. But the thing is. I'm still out at sea. So I get to dream a little. This year, its gonna be full swing celebrations, baby! I hope you guys are planning away as well. Merajok tidak menjadi sebab untuk kita tidak merancang cuti-cuti bersama si dia. Hahahas. Too much of majalah picisan has got to me.

Jln Nagasari, The Carat Club, Penang Cafe, delicious, Orchard Road, Far East Plaza, Nathan Road, The place where they serve you in bronze wheelchairs, and definitely mistletoes are on my agenda!

Happy dreaming. It should be nine days till I hit solid ground again.

Dimsum

Rainy days in Seria. The day before I head out to sea. Siew mai, char kui cheong fun, yam woo kok and of course, egg tarts for Chloe and I. A pot of jasmine tea, and a refill, just to help us wet our throats from all the story telling. Ok amoi, next time I treat you to cupping our backs at that nice spa in Pandan 5.

Teaser

Happy Birthday buat seorang sahabatku. Aku doakan kau akan bertemu dengan erti cinta, kebahagiaan dan keberkatan dalam hidup. Lessons learnt are meant to be studied and addressed. Not to be kept in a file for us to say, 'hey, i noticed that'.

Take care.

Balas Cik Epal

Yeah remember the 55 pound top from miss selfridges? I found my alternative!! I'm in the mood where I want to share everything so that in the case that any of my readers are in need of a fashion emergency-saving situation, I hope this may help. Help to broaden your search for whatever it is you are looking for with success!! Yatta. Haha.

Super duper nice sequins disc cardigan above here. Lihatlah what I found...!!

Something that looks a bit like it, at the fraction of the price too!! Yeayy.. Aite I'll be sure to share what the real thing looks like as I got it from pick and bliss. Ok tak Miss Epal?? =p

A bientot.

The Calculation

So we made a hard decision and each made an incision past our muscles and our bones. Saw our hearts were little stones. Pulled them out they weren't bleeding. And we weren't even bleeding. As we lay them on the granite counter top. We beat them up, against each other. We struck them hard, against each other. We struck them so hard, so hard..until they sparked.

Quote.

hoi kau cabar aku ke?

aku betul-betul tak paham la. tolong terangkan lagi sekali boleh tak? kenapa dulu-dulu masa aku tak nak kawan dengan kau, kau kata kat aku jom la berkawan. sekarang aku sudah pon berkawan kau, kau buat aku ni macam sesuatu yang tidak perlu kau jaga? kenapa? kau pernah terangkan kat aku dlu. tetapi aku sudah lupa la.

aku kerja teruk-teruk aku berharap secebis masa dari kau dalam sehari.
tetapi alasan bateri fon asek mati aku sudah tidak boleh terima. sori.

siapa aku?
sesuatu yang bila kau disuruh, masa itu la baru nak buat.

Shopping from the ship. Ahoy!!

Who says I can't find solace at sea??!!! Haha. Ni post-traumatic stress laugh. Or ape2 lah. I was browsing - no thanks to Zarina - through the internet for cool clothes. And Zarina hooked me up with a page from miss selfridges. She was just showing me the new cardigan she bought the other day in KL. Browse and browsed.. I found a totally delicious sequined cardi that would cost me 55 pounds.

Oh can somebody make me one!! OK harus saving dan berdoa agar apis pegi UK lg. haha. I'll print one in color for him to put in his wallet.

So skip that. Later I found this top. I saw something like this with fringe in gossip girls season 3, if you guys remember there was a time when Serena wore a tie-dyed pink vest that had silver fringework on the shoulders and back. Total bombshell piece!!

The price was not bad, at 17 pounds..and the length of it was nice, I could definitely pair it up with any cardigan I have and look dressed up and clean-cut. But couldn't be bothered about online shipping and stuff. Unless I can get the stores in KL to order this for me..scratch that.

Thanks to Zarina - again. She found this top and knew it was something I would like. I hope its as nice as the picture makes it out to be! Fingers crossed =)

Hari Raya Aidil Adha

Kalau dah tak nak sms tu kire mcm da tak nak jd girlfren boifren la kan. Haha. Cetek betul pemikiran aku. Ok tape. Kalau jadi kat awk tgk la cemane awk rase.

***

Selamat Hari Raya semua! Nikmati la saat indah bersama keluarga tersayang. Be safe.

Champion 7

The reason this platform is called Champion 7 is simple. But no one told me what it was until I went there myself. Its a super mother-platform with 7 modules interconnected. In oil world, that's pretty massive! I am not sure what is the production rate of these guys. Picture taken from the boat landing off the module I landed on. From this picture, you can see 4 modules, and include the one I'm on, would total to 5. Awesome!!

Confess

I have this thing for past relationships. I watch on telly and sit in awe and ponder if it is really like what I see, outside, in the real world and not in the world of beautifully written scripts and impeccable designer outfits that seem to match.

Its like a rash, starts small maybe on an unfavored spot of my face, say my nose. And gradually infects other parts of my body, as I feed on the ex-gossip that is oh-so-yesterday. You could even scoff at my face, and I'd relish it like it was something fresh, with meaning. As if it happened yesterday.

I have this thing for past relationships. At times I wish I had never opened his hand phone while I was bored and registered that one name in my head. It was like a hot ore, imprinting permanent thoughts to my small brain. It hurt. But I was blinded and thought little of it at the time.

I'm not sure what I should do about this. I do not want to bear kids and still be spiteful with jealousy over someone that is his past. Argh. Its very frustrating.

I have this thing for past relationships. Ah well, its more than just a thing. Its really eating me alive. And I have no clue how to rid of it.

Hati Si Dia.

KERETE. MUSIC. BASS.

Cinta baru saya.

Kerja shift ni memang mencabar. Bila habis shift, kita berharap ada org yang setia menanti untuk merawat luka, menceriakan suasana atau bertanyakan khabar. Kenapa tak ada sms?

Awk kata saya suka cari gaduh.

Tak mengapa. Saya cari penyelesaian sendiri dalam web. Saya terubat dengan nukilan Mohd Jayzuan, whomever you may be, thank you for this entry.

Ia membawa saya pulang ke titik permulaan kita. WCC yang dihuni lipas pun saya sanggup naik, gara-gara nak bersama awk.

Mungkin awk pun mahu membaca peristiwa cinta ini, supaya awk tidak menjadi orang yang lupa.

Lupa kenapa saya terlalu berharap pada awk.

Mahukan semua.

My future milestones :

1. My 2-year promotion
2. T is for.
3. My 3-year final project/promotion
4. K is for.

5. Sambung belajar. Seriously. Tapi tak pasti nak sambung belajar dalam jurusan apa. It would take some time to find out what I am eligible to enroll for. Maybe something totally different like MBA or the likes. International Affairs? Journalism? Hah. Those are pipe dreams down the drain.

6. If #5 fails..then I should just concentrate at living the blue life.

Tad sad I've been had.

Sang Curious.

Sedang aku menunggu pakcik kelakar dari Weatherford untuk kembali ke atas pelantar, aku memilih untuk berangan dengan bebas sambil duduk bodoh di tepi i-beam ditemani pemandangan si Ajang Haidah.

Aku terfikir. Bagaimanakah agaknya akan diri ku sekiranya dahulu aku memilih untuk mencuba segalanya? Banyak perkara yang aku agak ketinggalan. Ok. Jangan panik. Aku cuma mengaju kan sahaja soalan ini. Mungkin persoalan ini timbul akibat pengaruh rakan-rakan sekeliling. Tapi sebenarnya, tidak. Perkara ini telah pun ku kaji sejak berada di bangku sekolah, gred 6 di Dhaka.

Waktu itu aku seorang budak yang memakai seluar pendek ketika berbasikal mengelilingi premis kota Dhaka. Dan berseluar panjang untuk pergi ke sekolah kerana Mama sudah pesan padaku bahawa Ayah tidak suka aku berseluar pendek. Ok lah. Apa kaitan?

Bagaimana pula dengan aktiviti seperti cuba pergi clubbing, out to partayy, atau co-ed lifestyle? Simply put. Co-ed tidak lah membuat aku rasa begitu janggal, dutifully due to my upbringing abroad.

Ya, aku sedar aku merewang jauh dari tajuk atau fokus sebenar. Persoalan nya di sini. Memandangkan aku tidak pernah mencuba arak, menindik lidah atau kening atau pusat (tetapi 3 di telinga), merokok (cubaan sekadar 2-3 puff tidak diambil kira ok), mahupun mencuba apa-apa jenis dadah suka ria, adakah ia akan merupakan satu downshide buat diriku sekiranya aku berdepan dengan situasi dimana aku mahu menegakkan pendirianku versus bakal anak-anakku kelak?

Dan ya, aku kerap merasakan kegagalan dalam aspek ini simply because aku tidak mempunyai pengalaman atau dasar kukuh untuk menang dlm rebuttal tersebut.

Original and Fresh

There was a period in time where I was a copy cat. It was rather recent, actually. Remember the person I was stalking-following-admiring from afar? Yeah, it was rather inspiring really. I could see which aspect of her that came across as appealing, attractive, a total bombshell.

I took snippets of her life and tried to incorporate them into mine. It was rather scary at first, which in time turned out to make me feel very sad. A lot of copying was done. From simple color schemes, to the way she accessorized - simple and understated. The pieces she'd wear, and to what kind of event she would wear them to - clean cut and chic. I personally felt that I had the same of fashion flair for colors and contrast. Staying true to myself became hard. A lot things I could not duplicate merely due to the fact that I am a tad conservative. I morphed. I had to make this style work for me.

At first it was a lot of fun, shopping for pieces that has 'ME' written all over it and then in the back of my mind I would ask, now would she wear this..? Playing pretend is kind of hard, especially if you don't have a written script or wardrobe lady to assist you.

I didn't quit cold turkey. I did it gradually. I liked the bright colors I am, the bold patterns I am, the sparkly pieces I am. I needed to stay true to myself. This discovery came across as a wake-up call. And I'm a quarter of a century old to realize that I can never be someone else. I will never have a perfect complexion, a body to die for, a knack for things unique, anything extra ordinary.

Who cares if I'm not flawless. You're special if you believe in it.

Cummulous Nimbus

The sky is playing games with me today. From a swollen dark purple, stream of orange lights up the horizon. It is a new day. I take a deep breath and feel a deep sort of sadness. Two of my malaysian crew are leaving. They were the only thing that made me felt like I was at home. The bed I sleep in is warm, sheltered. Fuzzy to the touch of the plural duvets that I have opted to monopolize. Before I sleep, I think about happy moments I like to replay. Short phrases, places, faces, foot steps.

The sky is a shade of light blue, crisp and chirpy. The wind blows steadily, drying my break of sweat. Sounds of waves crashing gently below me fills in the background. Its as if God did not want me to feel so empty and alone. Up ahead, there is an array of fluffy cumulous nimbus. They remind me of you. And right beside them, an army of dark clouds outline the nearby platforms.

It felt like God was teasing me. The sky transforms every few minutes, always unpredictable, always spectacular. Of course He is the only one who can determine my fate, the day's course of events. I am merely a chess piece and believe that God knows what is best for me.

For now, my place is here.

Fibrefuns

Cuma enam hari yang lepas aku mengarang 'let it rain'. Kini aku berada di dalam bilik 312 atas kapal kecil Ajang Haidah. Sedap kan nama kapal ni? Kenapa cepat sangat rasa rindu. Dan menjurus ke arah ingin menangis. Aku memilih untuk mendengar lagu gembira. Lagu-lagu yang kedengaran tiap kali aku menaiki WCC dulu. Lily Allen, dan juga Letto. Lagu 'Radio' dari Regina Spektor juga menjadi lagu tema ketika sedang hangat bercinta dulu. Kini, aku seorang diri meneruskan hubungan aku dengan Regina. Aku ada album baru dan juga album lama beliau. Best juga. Spunky and unique. Satu paket Roselle kering sudah aku habiskan. Gara-gara aku mabuk malam semalam. Aku tidak mandi, atau pun berus gigi. Aku cuma mampu menyondol muka aku ke dalam bantal sambil menghidu bau-bau yang menyenangkan dari sweater dark brown yang aku pinjam dari dia. Mabuk laut ialah perkara yang aku paling tak boleh terima dalam hidup. Duduk offshore di atas pelantar macam kacang je kalau mahu dibandingkan dengan tinggal di atas boat.

Yang penting hari ini aku dapat mengirim pesanan ringkas melalui YM dan bertanyakan pada diri nya.

Awak happy tak hari ini?

Chronology of you.

Today I feel that time is a mean bitch. Not only that it passes so fast and that I am constantly trying to make it freeze, it has changed a lot around me. Change is good, or so they say. Its been a wonderful journey that I am on, and the effects of time has taken its toll. The cycle of life. When time first began, it was all beautiful like a pod in spring waiting to burst into something of promised grandeur. I was blinded by the euphoria my heart felt with every moment I spent in his presence. When time evolved I felt that I was more mature as I saw him for who he truly was and we both made our sacrifices to show how much we meant to each other.

But that was then. When time had not pass me in leaps and folds.

When time stood still I found the urge to reach out and remind you why we are here. You have always been like the moon, by gravitational force you are connected to the earth, where I am. There were times where you lost your ground and drifted away from me. Of course you never noticed. I set you free, you said.

That was then, when time was something I had ample amount of. Now its just a luxury neither of us makes good use of.

Sadly time is sprinting by me and I see you slowly swirling in a black hole of no return. You step on my feelings the way tractors do to junk metal. With brute force. Yes I hate her. But this has nothing to do with that. We never talk about these things, we never text it cause its too personal either.

We will both run out of time one day, and when the day comes I'm not sure I want to have you to blame on.

Let it rain

Who needs to be worried about rain when all you need to make you feel warm and safe is right there beside you? I know that this luxury does not make itself available for everybody. Myself included.

Its the kind of feeling you get going through old photo albums in your external hard drive. And the trail of events that seem to parade themselves in front of you when you smile with each click of your mouse.

Photography should not only be art. Its purpose is lost if it strayed away from its ultimate goal as a recording machine. Im lazy with digital editing. I dont have the time of day to edit and install the software. I'd love to if i had the time. In fact I'd love to do so many things if I had the time.

This is a picture of somewhere I love, taken from a spot I love.

Just the sight of KL will make me happy as it is so close to home. Well it is home.And that little black thing on the far right corner reminds me that I was taking this picture from the spot i love most.

The passenger seat of his car.

Standby lagi

Perkara paling membosankan hidup ialah standby di offshore. Kontradiksi (wujud ke perakataan ini?) di sini ialah saya seorang engineer yang seharusnya proaktif dan progressif dan pro macam2 lagi. Tetapi saya cuma mampu untuk menunggu ketibaan boat dan menyiarap di atas katil kerana malas untuk berpakaian lengkap dan duduk di bilik mesyuarat untuk menyiapkan repot operasi saya.

Malas juga satu penyakit. Mari makan gaji buta yang tidak dapat dielakkan. Nyam.

Apabila kita berkerja di tgh2 laut. Perkara y paling kita nantikan ialah saat tibanya waktu untuk kita pulang ke darat. tak kesah la dapat cuti atau tidak, yang penting aku balik.

Ye aku rindu jugak la pada dia. Tetapi mungkin sebab dia pon sibuk semacam aku kadang2 rasa dia tak sempat nak rindu sangat kat aku. Tak macam dulu. Hari2 kene call borak at least 20 minit. Aku lupa nombor fon rumah sebenarnya. Macam la ade orang sangat kat rumah untuk ditelefon pon.

Et tu dit adieu.

So tell me if there should be anyone else promised to bid you goodbye on your deathbed?

She was your youth.

Mase silam adelah sebuah kisah klasik yg akan kite simpan sampai kapan pun.

Day Six

Today is my cousin's birthday. Happy birthday to you, I hope I did not get the date wrong.   

There is something about playback of old songs. They seem to take you to the exact space and time in your life when the song was what made you go on a high. Agreed. 

Jadi pengajarannya di sini, jangan dengar album artis kegemaran yang baru di dowload dari 4shared.com sambil membuat perkara2 yang tidak digemari. Seperti. Melihat gambar yang tidak mengembirakan.  

What happens is this. You play the song when you are miles away from civilization in the middle of the sea and you are on standby because you are waiting for the crane. And then you click open photos folder and click play on your media player. And then you start browsing  through the photos and all you see is the flaws that you have.  

Job went well, when did I take the time to celebrate that? 

Windows are inviting.

So what happens to and unread email? You send it back. And resend. And send. Until the recipient gets it. And eventually reads it. There are some things that we never really get around to discussing. Primarily because I am not up to talking and weeping my heart out while he tries to make sense of the whole commotion.

Yesterday I went to a photography exhibition. Our motives was not in sync with the expo. They wanted to convey a message, but we wanted to evaluate or study the technique on display. Which came to a point where we were trying to get good composition of our shots (giggling and being so girlish) while trying not to offend the whole purpose of the expo. Paham ke ni.

The tone yesterday was like the weather. Serious, dark, cloudy and eventually rainy. I hinder myself from these flavored days. They make my week go bad and stale.

There's a music and art event later happening at BB. I would go before it gets dark so that I will not be mingling with too many drunk people who have strong perception about hijab bearing babes at arts and music events. Ah. Perasan je.

Jom la pergi mintak MC kat klinik pagi ini.

Susun Kemas-kemas

Getting ready to go:

Lipat PPE, basuh tudung kerja, mandi.
Gosok tudung cantik, pkai lotion, bedak dan body spray.
Aku suke wangi-wangi.
Sejak sekolah lagi, kan ujie kan?

Dia lambat.

Eyeliner sikit, dan blusher buat main-main.
Bukan dia akan perasan pon.
So why bother.

Ida datang mengadu dekat aku.
Kami berbincang. Biasa lah, kalau soal hati. Mana pernah ada jawapan yang jelas dan nyata.
Susah kan membesar ni.
Yang penting kau tetap sayangkan dia, Ida.

Kereta da sampai.
Naik, seatbelt? Tgk la kejap lagi.

Kenapa sekarang dah tak cakap aku nampak cantik atau comel?

Fun oh oh grofi

Hari ini sy terjumpa sesuatu yang menganggu fikiran sy.
Sy sebenarnya tidak pasti bagaimanakah cara sebenar utk sy bereaksi.
Harus kah ada reaksi?
Nanti mesti dia kata sy fikir y bukan2.
Tapi sy betul2 rasa nak demam ni.

Sy tahu dia tidak kenal akan perempuan y comel, berbibir mungil dan bertubuh cantik itu. Sy pasti.

Tapi sy tetap rasa sedikit tidak sedap hati. Sekarang boleh la lagi. Mungkin. Boleh lagi sy tahan. Kerana kami tiada apa2.
Apa2 y solid. Cuma kata2 indah saja y dikongsi setiap hari.

Kata2 indah dan cita2 y dibina bersama. Tapi benda seperti itu mudah diperolehi. Dengan sesiapa saja kita boleh berkongsi, bukan?

Cita2 sy berubah mengikut perisa y dihidang. Adakala ia pedas, berapi dan sungguh sedap. Ada juga kala dimana sy rasa matang, classy dan chic. Tapi itu semua dulu.

Kenapa bila sy kerek baru berjaya mendapat perhatian.

Sekarang ni sy cuma boleh rasa satu perkara iaitu badan sy rasa betul2 nak demam.

Social Studies.

There is something I'd like to share with you.
I want to treat this journey I am going through as an adventure.

Perhaps it will have a climax and an eventual ending.

But for now, I shall be safe to say that we are just starting off.
Beginning with the build-up of the main body.

Composition was a favourite part of English Literature during
6th grade. It confused me yet I was still able to pull off a good story.

There is a person that I have been following for a while now.
He's actually pretty good.
It occured to me time and time again to reveal myself
since I always felt that I could relate or am damned keen to know more about why he wrote the things that he did.
Plus he totally reeks originality or at least in some aspects.
I'd imagine him to be from a factory that produces the same looking people, with the same funky taste and the same fortune.

Don't you think its intruiging to dwell on the thought of 'wonder how the person would react if..they knew you have been reading them?'

I think my love of observing people and understanding why they made that choice or how they grew up to be the way they are has really gotten into a strong itch.

I need to know why. Why. Why. Why.

Like I said, communication is a nightmare.

Especially when the emails you send goes unread.

Thats when you discover that you don't communicate in the same radio frequency.

Then the rest is pretty much already in ashes.

Wallet baru cantik seksi.

The worst thing a dude could do to a hoping starry eyed girlfriend is to not bring back anything girly for her. I mean seriously. My mama also says this, (on other occasions not on this one) whenever you go out to the mall even, you should always bring back something for those waiting for you at home. Donuts ke..so in this case, apis tade beli ape2???

Hahahahaha. Imagine the ruckus I made in the cute white brand new swift that picked me up the day I arrived. Yeah, its a lot smaller than the usual stage I had (compared to the ranger and putra) but nevertheless, you should be flexible and still act out even in the cutest cars on the planet.

Things that could save you : a lipgloss, a hand lotion or body cream, perfume, a pair of socks, a simple bedtime tee. Ok. I get it. Its hard. Cause I have a ton of each of the items I just named. But stillllll. Hahaha. Tanak pon buat kecoh, tapi best kene kan apis. Bagi die ingt sampai bile2. Bukan selalu dia ke luar negara.

He got himself this paulsmith wallet with a nude babe in the middle. Ye die budak nakal. Something like the one below, but a lot more subtle. Cause the babe is hiding in the middle. behind the two flaps. Haha.

Sebab apis ade wallet baru cantik seksi dan mahal la saya tak keberatan langsung mengepau dia cardigan. Dengan syarat. Apis kene pilihkan. Best kan?

Time kaseh apis.

Bell boy.

Open house Jusoh n Sarah, Oct 2009.

Even though it came as a suprise."Suprise!!" That I was sent back home. Mainly due to the fact that the dude I was replacing did not need to be replaced. End of story. But a few things I did not get was why the manager had to rush me out of there. And still he expected me to deliver the project report till the hour I step foot on airport grounds.

So the day I found out I had to leave the next day, I stayed in the office till the wee hours of 2 am. I did my part, and bid adieu and bonne chance to the fellows. Truly guys, good luck. The project was a mess. There is no place like home, be it home home or my workplace in Kemaman where the management do care and does give a hoot about your equipment and the crew.

F came to pick me up complete with his cream colored baju melayu. Oh sangat bell boy hotel istana. Cute. But of course I kept it to myself.

I bought a pair of straight cut jeans when I was in Singapore. I think straight cut does me no justice. We now have a new joint to crash for bouldering. Nino has a new baby sister, Khairya Noor. Whom we have decided to call her Nano. But doubt that her mum will approve.

The way we celebrate

Sorry to drop it to you. But he forgot. Or got confused. With other dates. Ok, I'll let that one slip. Initially I wanted to share stuff here on the things we've done together but opted not to. Aku tade mood.

Gambar yang cuci tu cantik ke tak? Malam ni boleh online ke tidak? Malam takkan la dari kol 8 hingga 12 bekepit dgn org y nak kawen? Ke malam mmg scope die panjang mcm tu? Lagi satu, hapesal at 930pm pon opis aku ni ramai lagi boss?

Communication can be a friggin nightmare sometimes.

Menstruation is a whole other ball game.

Mari belajar membuat dark room.

Leraikan dengan senyuman!

Hah. Cuba teka?

Hari yang indah ialah bila,

Sahabat karib kita sudah pulang ke tanah air.
Cukup dengan itu sebenarnya utk membuatkan aku gembira.
Dan lagi.

Ayah menegur gambar profile di facebook, katanya tidak baik ibarat menayang2 y kami sudah official.
Official la ayah..dah dua tahun, hari ini.

Tapi aku cuma jawab dekat ayah, 'ok la, nnti kalau dia keluar ngn perempuan lain, senang nak tahu'
Mesti ayah ingt aku ni bakal menjadi Queen Control. Tsk tsk.

Hari yang indah ialah bila,

Kita terpaksa menelefon client dan berharap dia tidak marah..malah mendengar dulu apa saja alasan y kita suap ke dalam kepala nya. Bagus sungguh nasib ku.
Dia mendengar dan berterima kasih kerana aku sudi memberi penjelasan.
Siap ada, 'take ur time' lagi.

Hari menjadi paling indah bila kita berjaya meleraikan semua gangguan dan stress kerja dengan attitude y super rock.

This is my second day that my positive mind has gotten me through a crappy, crappy, crappy day.

Saya tunggu awk call malam nanti.
We should do something special tonight, perhaps, if you remember.

Hari Indah

Santa Monica, Los Angeles 2009.

Yes, I'm in Balikpapan sudah. Alhamdulillah, my flight and all was ok. But. Well, I got a bit stuck at the immigration. Which is very dumb and ignorant on my behalf I guess. Ayah is a bit pissed I went ahead and just got on the plane without checking the formalities. Boo hoo sukeroo.

I'm here to assist with the Chevron campaign. They told me usually this client will only have one well per month, but suddenly they wanted to have 7 well interventions done. Thats where I come in. Sad part is, most of the work done is not really completed well. So aku ni macam tukang cuci jamban taik org lain lah.

Balikpapan, is a bit artificial to me. In a similar sense to how LA was. But different. I have yet to discover what they have to offer cultural wise. I'm even looking at the possibility of me going to Sulawesi for a diving trip. Alone? Masakan.. haha.

Its very stressful for me here, the way they do things is differently. I think transparency has a multi layer chain, which is dumbfounding. Cause its not supposed to be that way. And I'm working with some of the most defensive people I've ever met, which is downright ridiculous OK. Bangang nak mampos.

Aku rasa sunyi di sini. Rumah besar, TV besar, ruang tamu besar. Dapur pon besar. Tapi selalu bangun pagi dan rindu dekat mama dan ayah. Selalu minta dekat Tuhan untuk memberikan aku kekuatan dan semangat untuk menghadapi hari. Aku rasa tak sabar sangat utk hari indah di mana F akan kata pada ku, "Sayang, boleh berhenti kerja dah..jom"

Day dreaming is free. Wishing is also free. But its these two things that keeps me going through the day with a smile, you know?

Jadi for now, F cuma boleh sms kat aku, "Bertahan lah, abg tahu kerja mcm ni tak best." Mungkin aku sudah menjadi hamba duit? Bak kata Zarina. InsyaAllah, rakan2.

Hari indah pasti akan datang.

Schuz.

Wandering in Singapore

Im in Singapore now. I wanted to share a lot here in my personal space. I've been giving off bad vibes to F lately. And I cant blame him for feeling tired of this emotional baggage I seem to be carrying around with me for no apparent reason. I can only say that I am jealous of all the wrong things.

Raya was great. I got to do all my cousins and even my aunt's black eyeliner. Which is good, cause I am halfway through my eyeliner pot. And I need to finish it before I can go and try another one. My flight is in another hour's time and I am in Changi International Terminal 2, with free wi-fi access that lasts up to 6 hours per account. All you need to do is give the pretty lady your passport and she'll hand you a username and password. Cool rite?

I didnt bring a lot of money with me this time. I only changed rm100 and got about a quarter of a million of rupiah. Geez. Their money needs time getting used to. I dont plan on spending my money on anything other than bakso and other foodies. I will stay away from meat cause I'm not too sure on how halal those things are.

I miss F a lot. He knows it. But sometimes other things get in the way and I have a hard time of conveying how I truly feel about him. And things. I need to get myself back together. I am losing my spark big time.

Wish me luck for my job stint! I have no clue what I am going to Balikpapan for. But damn, dont we all need the money.

Santa Monica Pier

Wihu~!! Am taking the time to quickly scribble something here. Def not enough time to upload a pic or two. My train to Camarillo leaves at 905 am. We're gonna go shopping like crazy there before I head home tonight.

We took a $30 star ride hop-on-hop off bus around LA. Pretty neat. Saw the whole city within 8 hours. Uber kewl! Ok so my favourite would be Santa Monica Pier but we didn't have enough time to get off and enjoy the beach. Dang.

Sape kate LA tak sejuk?? Penipu. It was freezing cold due to the open top bus we were riding on and the fact that it was 21 degC outside and we were dolled up all nice didn't help OK.

Schuz. I will see you, and you real soon.

Outlet la pulak

Hargh hargh. Cannot breathe. How can I go to an outlet and be bankrupt before I get there? Hinnnsss. Hinnnssss. We'll mesti ade cara. Here's the brilliant plan. (Take out yellow notepad)..

I'm gonna pretend that I have $200 for my own stuff. (lodging, transportation not included in this budget.) Then I'm gonna try to get myself 2 cardi tops, and a pair of jeans. Jeans is optional since I have an array of loyal jeans that I seem to repetitively wear without fail or feel the need of a different shade of blue. Plus jeans je kot, I can get them whereverr.

2 cardi tops, try to get them from either Forever 21 (yes I know we have this back home..but I need these babies noww) or just cheap at Charlotte Russe.

This one is cute! Either in white or black. Most likely white cause I have tonnes of black ones.

The ruffles is actually a piece of ribbon sewn on. Cute giler.

This one is kinda plain jane. Not really me. Unless I am now working in an office. Ok so cancel lah. Tak jadik.

This woven black cardi is cute juge. But not as loud as the one with the sewn on ribbon kan? More subdued and calm, i guess.

I was about to buy this one the other day at the mall..but it looked kinda small. I don't really want to wear it with the sleeves all the way up until it looks like a short sleeved tee. But I LOVE pokadottssyy.

Ok tape, if I fail to get them while I am dutifully outlet shopping in LA, I will have my F buy them for meee in the UK =)

Ok tape. Tenang2 aje. Hahahahaha.

Park Affair

Hyde Park, 2008.

How do you enjoy your time in the park? Laze around and wait until it gets late. Walk steadily past all the trees and greet all the blooming flowers. Read a book and pleasantly find yourself dozing off, gently feeling the breeze of the wind beneath the rustling of the leaves. Birds a-chirping. Dog a-licking your face...Haha. Kidding.

I had a great time while I was here in Tulsa. We didn't even have to go far out of this state to truly enjoy ourselves here. Sure everyone told us what a cowboy town it was and how dead boring things could get if you didn't have a car.

There are always parks if you go out of south east asia. Its in their bloods to celebrate trees, and maybe it is also due to the climate. So parks are a lot more enjoyable where it is cooler. Reasons aside, I believe that we both experienced what it was like to have been surrounded with strong art influence (I'm relating this to the painters and poets that we read about..not ourselves), and the means to express themselves through words and drawings.

Being in parks makes me happy. And I've always taken them for granted. The trees. The flowers and rocks. Being in parks sort of make you believe that you could actually make time freeze.

Peneman Setia

Terima kasih kerana selalu menemani saya belajar di malam hari.
Saya sayang kamu.

clean sheets.

Youth was the time when I never noticed anyone around me, and I didn't know that the boxy part of my body above my butt was called the hip.

I've always wondered if I was born without a womanly figure.

Boxy has left me eons ago. aeons.
I'd make a bad english teacher. You think?

Youth was the time when I never judged people on how they lived their lives.
I judged them on how much fun they infused in mine instead. Needy.

Passing judgement is something we do the instant we wake up now. How sad the world has become. I should have never left neverland.

Youth was the time when I checked out a library book on periods, and felt like fainting when the librarian flipped the book to the back to stamp the date.

The Artist In You

I am feeling the urgent need to get back with my inner self. I feel I am losing my touch when it comes to who I am and who I want to be.

I want to be an english teacher. Or a teacher of some sort. I love kids. I want to be socially needed, I guess.

I love art. Crafty not so much of me though.
Paiting..therapeutic. Drawing, oodling. That was when I was in love.

I want more time to read my poetry. And the poetry of God.
Poetry is an unfolding of something beautiful, and should not be rushed.

Neruda, Borges..they are all waiting for me, patiently.
I still need to fall in love with Tolstoy.

Will a sketch pad and some water color heal a broken soul?

If I had things my way..I would pack up and leave. And perhaps become a voluntary english/maths/wadever teacher in the outskirts of earth.

No Part Three

Downtown Tulsa.

It turns out that I do not need to read or digest any trilogy. There was no need for me to dwell on the things that are set in stone, determined to happen, in the past. There was no way for me to change them. Sure I will always be jealous of the time that was not mine. But since I already said it the way it is.. The fact that it was not mine to begin with. Then there really is nothing that is of loss to me. I have not yet been able to see myself reflected in you. Your choice of words, songs, trail of thoughts. Most of them are new to me. I guess you keep things spiced up. Cool.

And I can only hear myself breathe calmly, blow a heavy sigh of relief.

The mental war is over, I am finally free. I need to pick up the pieces and continue where I left off.

Hepi merdeka!

Monolog

Aku jarang berbahasa ibunda di ruang ini. Mungkin kerana aku tidak fasih. Bukan forte diriku. Boleh sesedap hati sahaja menyelit unsur2 barat. Agar monolog aku ni lebih berwarna-warni. Menarik untuk si pembaca.

Haha.

Who am I kidding.

Online Window Shoppin'

Meh la teman aku online shopping. Bile exam sudah abes. Project da abes. Whatever sgt. Let's shop! Haha..sini ade Iron Chef America. Best siot.

This purple top I would wear it as a cardigan, not buttoned down like this foxy babe.

Ha this green top is loveleyy. I wouldn't get it in such a small size. Sendat sgt lah.

This aqua henley is very carefree. SO meeeee! I want it in all colors. Mahu mahu!

These pumps are from Simply Vera by Vera Wang. Cute kan? Mcm sgt propper yet stylish. I want to replace my out of service T-bar vincci heels. The funny thing is out of all of these items that I am looking at, I am only dead set on one item. Tadaa~

My own Black Diamond Momentum Primerose Harness!! Bestnyeeeee. (Shoes to come.)