The day before

Si hitam dan si tompok =p

I've packed my bags and am doing some last minute work on my job programs. I've been dealing with the same three wells for the past three months and will continue to do so for the next three weeks. Three more weeks. Yes. It isn't long but I am tired. Tired of stealing moments to day dream and still find the time of day to get some arrangements done. I feel like I need to piss in my pants to save time.

I made lasagna today. And bought new socks for work. I'm traveling to KB by flight for the first time in my life. Haha. The lady in body shop said my skin looks dull, so I got myself a vitamin E trial set just for kicks. Its not gonna do my skin any good I'm sure.

Three more weeks. Just three more weeks.

Midnight Prayers

Today the only thing I felt like chanting, as if it could save me or whats left of my soul was,

Ayah, what am I supposed to do?

***

The idea of working on contract and living back with my parents is so inviting. I can't even think long term anymore now. If I really think hard, about getting the chance to keep my mom company for a whole month?! To further my studies abroad in a subject that is being taught for free. Well, the mere image is exhilarating. Dear Allah, please give your humble servant the strength to make it through the days strong willed and with Your blessings, please let me find the right path to eternal happiness.

I miss you dad.

Toile

I had a blast yesterday to cap off my pretty awful week. If I may recall, monday was berbuka at home with abg and kak liza, after terawih it was mcDonald's milo ais that lasted the whole night poring over what we wanted our wedding cards to read. Tuesday was with supadupa at apartment. I had a bad day again, but F suggested it best I laugh it off with the girls, and it works like magic most of the time. Wednesday we tried WW again, only to get there late and F had to stomach fried chicken pieces and we never got around watching the movie cause we were both spoofed tired.

Thursday, I set a date with Zarina and Bann at pavilion, again. I love the korean food they serve there in the food court. Bulgogi and grilled beef. To my surprise, F agreed to join. He hates the hassle of arranging for a seat in restaurants and to deprive him of his nap before magreb prayers commence. So it was a pleasant surprise when he said he'd be joining me. Little did I know he was loaded with work because he was leaving for Labuan the very next morning. We spent the evening finalizing our wedding to do list and most of the action items had my name on them. Haha.

Friday..was a rollercoaster ride, just glad I had good company with me during iftar at Du Viet.

Saturday, yesterday. I had to spend the morning at the office (apekah). But retaliated later in the afternoon with a trip to Shah Alam to meet my super cool wedding dress maker. We hiked up to ampang lookout point and I fell asleep yesterday, a happy happy cow.

Party's Over!

Haha biasa lah, semua yang bermula pasti akan berakhir. Semua yang bertemu juga, pasti akan berpisah. I knew it was too good to be true, spending a solid 2 months plus in KL sticking close by F and having the luxury of sleeping in my own house, drink from my own mugs. Lazing around on the same beaten old sofa.

I am thankful that I got to spend every single day with my parents during their long visit to Malaysia. Usually I'd be in fits every time I waved mama goodbye at 3am as F and I left the house grounds to head out east. After this, no more wee morning drive to Kemaman. Because he's been upgraded and is based in KL. Should I worry? Ah well, just a few more months to go on this trust game.

After this, its just me and the fishies baby.

When you're driftwood

There are some things in life that we can tell just because..they call it instinct, ESP, a mother's heart perhaps. Like a storm waiting to happen. There are a lot of things thatI believe Allah has given us the choice to control over. Be it the right decision or not, we can't really tell until its too late.

My foundation is made of melted sugar, with a dash of vanilla for aroma and flavor. I've been building blocks out of this mix for over two years now.

Sugar and vanilla, no matter how complex the composition, will melt if you splash it with hot boiling water.

I had fun with you

Amidst all this chaos of work and scurrying away from the heat (of more work) I got to meet up my yearly acquaintance, Zarina. The last time we met we were heading to the states and it was ramadhan for us both. What a coincidence! Most fondest memory of when she'd squint her eyes in despair as a I'd offer to split a yummy doughnut with her haha.

Small girl, big eater, bigger heart.

I think I enjoy ramadhan so much that I try to make every day different or tainted with different memories, so that next year, around this time, I'd recall the things I did and how my time was spent. We trotted along the shops in pavilion, and searched high and low for the right thing to binge on later in her hotel room.

I love to dilly dally, and dozed off after I ate. The hike to KLCC mosque was no simple feat. Especially on a full stomach. Hehe. Thanks na, I wonder when it'll be before we meet again.

Bilik Hitam

A trip to this royal humble town has always aroused mixed feelings. I'm nervous about becoming something permanent to something that breathes and talks.

I went through the box again. I came to a branched pathway. Should I obliviously remove the pieces of paper that seem to be the only physical remains of this itch. A close friend told me its not really mine to touch. I guess that's true. It was like an old book, revisited. This time I could correlate the dates, and why he was always emotional. At that time, he was suffering from a great loss.

I like to know when things happen. And when I do, the first thing for me to register was where I was during that time. Like the time he lied about hanging out with her. Obviously I was away, working. Please don't take advantage of me, to the both of you.

Frankly, the future looks really cloudy, opaque, I can't see much. I hope he doesn't have to know I'm communicating this way, cause we hardly talk. Et plus, avant le project a chess, je departe pour Kemaman.

And in some unlucky way I struck a deal at seeing him every other week.

Mayestik

I chose one of these =)

I didn't get to tell much about my trip to Jakarta, other than the surprise factor that the trip was planned in just a couple of days over my fear that I will be transported back to Kemaman to resume my 'reality' job in the field. Now, looking back, I do feel that the trip was sort of rushed, nevertheless I do not regret the things I did and whatever consequences this trip has caused me to face, I accept them fully. Blablabla.

The upside of the whole trip was that mama and I went there carrying almost zero luggage and came back 4 bags full of fabric. Haha. And pricewise, of course Indonesia beats Malaysia hands down when it comes to getting the pretty laces at an affordable price. We stayed in a really nice hotel, Hotel Mulia which is very near to Mayestik, an area full of shops that is our equivalent to the gulatis and jackels in town. The only major difference is that they carry pretty much lace and lace. Shoot how time flies when you're fasting. I've got to do some work on the wedding cards.

Yup yup, this wedding stuff is pretty exciting.

Keep up the spirit in this holy month, and try to beat your eyes to get the best of you!!

I want to know what rock steady feels like

So far, I've had nothing but complaints and truck loads of work coming my way. It has not been that much fun trying to bask in the idea that I have only 5 more months to plan out my wedding and all. But proud enough to say that, I've settled with the design and fabric for 2 of my dresses, with the one in Pekan on its way in making - on paper first.

We've finally decided on a color scheme, light gray with myriads of purple =) am glad we could strike a good deal! I've got my budgeting worked out, minimal expenses on flowers and other cosmetics ding dongs. I've yet to find an entertainer/ment but I'll leave that to F to decide since hes gonna be my electronics guy anyways in the future.

I found a simple and funky card when I was in Jakarta a few weeks back, but no thanks to prepaid technology that I couldn't mms the darn thing back home and stressfully made all the decisions on my own. Pretty much.

Ok so in all fairness F has to think whats supposed to go in the card, and he's selling his car for obvious reasons. Hehe. I'm gonna pray that I don't pass out carrying my laptop bag and adjusting to the new mode of transport.