One too many farewells

Six years later and my roots have grown pretty deep in the work that I am doing.. Today, two of the most important person in my career are leaving and like a bird in an empty nest, I feel abandoned and helpless.

I did not give him the farewell I had planned out days before. To thank and appreciate him for his support and faith in me. All of it left, by the clock striking 6.

That evening I shook hands with him and I knew he was aware of each of my thoughts and how I felt. 

Don't get frustrated.

Don't get too excited.

Don't lose hope.

Don't become a stranger.

It was like the list of things I'd leave before parting ways with F or my younger relatives. We both knew the last one was just so that it wasn't obvious what one thing you were talking about.

I pounded the pavement hard on my way to the train - confiused if it was extra hard from my riding boots or it was my brain wishing to explode and the feeling of lost hope swallowed me as the sun left the sky.

Don't cry. 

That was probably all he meant to say to me just now. 

Let me at 25

Ice ice baby

I adjust myself in the chair, lazily I put my legs out onto his, and under my son's ignorant eyes - I weave my legs below his. I appreciate that about him - F - I mean, allowing me to put my legs up on the car's dashboard and use him to prop myself into comfort. I usually stuff my feet under his butt for warmth and comfort - you should try this with your partner for fun.

Outside the sight of snowy peaks and haggard terrain fills up the frame. This is Almaty. Located on the opposite side of the infamous Annapurna peaks and the Himalayas, Almaty bears a bit more to its geographical surface. A sudden hush of oohs and aaahs fill the air - or was that just me? As mainly the other passengers looked local.

We don our winter gear in the luggage collection area - bribing Mika with the ipad (please forgive me) and bundleling up real nice and cozy I can feel butterflies in my stomach from excitement!! Aside from the beach, I love love LOVE winter and snow!!!!!!!! Exclamated much?

I sat next to a tall Kazakstani woman who carried her baby through the gate doors like it was a christmas hamper. Gosh she was so tall and the ladies here are a beautiful cross of chinese features with siberian charm and fairness. Gawk alert. I am unaware/don't care that they are staring at my unruly and foreign presence either. The lady had a newborn with her of about 3 months. She had no reservations about openly breastfeeding her offspring while sitting in the aisle seat.

We touched down Astana and again my excitement bubble was so so so majorly ready to pop. Astana, Kazakhstan. The weather was a nice -11degC that night.

Welcome to ice-land and subzero weather!!! 

If escapism was a choice..

I loved greatly but always felt like I was not getting more or I deserved more than I got..sometimes this feeling is so great that I make it a point to hang out with my friends so that I remember what my character is like. Its so lame I know - but is it part of motherhood?

I did not live gently - I do not recycle, do not eat organic thus encouraging the harmful chemicals used by harvesters and farmers, although I do take the train and avoid littering in public, my carbon footprint is still pretty massive.

The last one is a bit hard.. What did I have to let go in life? Almost nothing. From the way I see it life is all choices and decisions you make for yourself. Not because one option became unavailable that you had to take the 2nd choice. The more I think about it the more I think I am not graceful at all.. Mainly because of the fact that I can't let go of one thing that has been bothering me ever since. I guess this year I need to work on finding closure and self forgiveness..

To a healthier and self fulfilling year ahead. 

Please take me to Bali?