Simpang Ampat

The irony behind the death of my grandfather was that I had never ever ever drove by myself to his house. I had always been the young daughter, sitting behind the driver seat. Alert and assertive whenever dad wanted to cut cars. I'd sit on the edge of my seat, my small face squashed between the door and my dad's head rest. I always feared that my dad would miss the ray of light coming from the oncoming car ahead.

I had always been the sister, the loyal company my brother kept on his long drive home. I was famous for sleeping in any moving vehicle. (I even fell asleep in a non-AC hot and sticky Asian environment taxi in a 15 minute drive from our hotel to gojo market in Myanmar) I new then, only what I saw.

When I reached KL from Kemaman, abg had left the car keys and I had to make my way to Encik's house alone. Simpang Ampat, direction to Alor Gajah and I smiled as I recognized all the landmarks and carefully wove my way through the winding road for fear of missing the secluded house.

The end of something is definitely the beginning of something else. Even in death, there should never be any regrets.

Thats how I always saw myself enter F's life anyways.

Perjalanan Pulang

Arrived in Kertih via a chopper that was meant for the crew change of rig hand. Most of them were boys, trying to make the most of their youth. I got used to having him wait for me when I got back on earth. Not this time. Kak Aida and Abang Faizal were sweet enough to send me to KL and I made my way to Melaka. Exit Simpang Ampat.

Sembilan Belas

Knock. Knock.

Aku bangun dari tidur dan menghulur beg laptop yang biasa digunakan di dalam control cabin.

'Oih, kenapa bagi aku beg laptop ni?' suara lelaki kedengaran di sebalik pintu

'Behtu ko nak ape. Printer eh. Jap.' Sesungguhnya aku mamai ketika itu.

'Tak kin. Tadi azim call cakap kau ada family emergency.' ayat yang sungguh tidak kelakar dan aku berharap die bukan sedang nak prank me out of my sleepy phase.

'Ok'aku bergegas untuk bersiap sambil membayangkan worst case scenario dan cuba untuk tidak memikirkan nya.

I soon found out that my grandfather has passed away. I had a feeling that it would be the one in Melaka, but still was in doubt since none of my family members got in touch with my office mates. The message trail went like this. Mama texted faliq, and faliq texted kak aida. Kak aida contacted azim.

The rest of the world did not know where I was except for azim. Apis, awk pon sama. Sampai ceroh dok tahu dok platfom mane se. bahang gok ke mu ni.

Encik aku sudah pulang ke Rahmat Allah.

Lapan Belas

Apis sudah 1 hari di norway. Wonder how he likes it there. We finished our job so early its boring now. I want to go back already. Baru 3 minggu. Haha. Lembik betul.

Ni gambar mase naik bukit tabur dengan apis dan rakan-rakan lain.

Tujuh Belas Hari

Semalam menangis sebak di dada rasa mcm nak meletup pon ada.

Sesak nafas nak tidur pon susah.

Jadinya aku lelap pada jam 12 tgh malam. Hoping I will not oversleep.

Apis suka pesan kat aku 'jangan sedih sangat'. I think he knows its that phrase that will make me let lose of all my fears to continue without him around.

Nangis. Dan menangis lagi.

Pagi tadi aku terjaga sangat awal.

Enam Belas

Hari yang telah dijanjikan kini tiba.

Jam 10 malam aku akan call apis buat kali terakhir pada bulan ini.

Dia akan pergi berkursus jauh dari sini selama 7 minggu.

Almost two months. I might as well continue my journey here.

Not.

Rindu. Tak terkata. Semalam aku happy sebab dapat telefon apis dgn aman dan nyatakan rindu ku pada nya.

Dia juga rindu kat aku. Itu dia kata lah.

Malam sebelum itu aku janji nak call dia pukul lewat malam tapi aku terlelap selepas isya dan tidak call. Ah rugi.

Lagi tiga puluh minit aku akan berbual dengan nya.

Adakah aku akan menangis? Hahaha. Sudah pasti.

Its not only hard that you have to be out at sea for work, but its gonna get harder cause after this you have cut off all mode of communication with the one you love the most. Alternatively I still have both my brothers whom I can call at a reasonable fee using i-talk. But that is totally not the point.

I am going to miss faliq so bad I am going to be kicking myself the whole time he is not here with me, so that I will numb myself from this silence that is deafening with hope that I will not notice the time - that is most obviously - passing by oh so slowly.

Minggu Kedua dan satu hari

Ada sinar harapan.

If the next platform that we mobilize to is Seligi-H, then its unlikely that I will be able to get a place to stay.

Yea yea. Arap2 lepas ni unit ni pergi Seligi.

Aku da terbayang2 da nak jalan2 dengan jengga dan berpakaian warna warni.

Sungguh ceria.

Empat Belas

Mesti la aku call lagi hari ni.

Ape la. Mustahil la tak call.

Aku dapat tahu bahawa aku dijadualkan untuk pulang ke darat pada 10 jun.

Gile ke.

Dalam hati berdebar-debar untuk menghadapi hari yang telah dijanjikan.

InsyaAllah. Apis akan pergi jauh dari sisi ku ini buat 7 minggu.

Rindu.

Tiga Belas

Call lagi harini.

AWak bz bercakap dengan beruang.

Dan tak take heed pon ape sy ckp.

Bagus lah.

Cakap la lagi dengan haiwan-haiwan yang lain.

Sumpah aku tanak call dah esok.

Twelve

Baa baa black sheep have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.

Tgk. Tanye kambing tepi jalan pon boleh jawab.

Tunggu kau punye jawapan sikit punye lame saket belakang aku angkat treating iron yang aku pon tatau nape aku g angkat last2 otot tangan aku sengal gile.

ok la aku taleh nak let go the fact that E is for fucking Effort. Fool.

Sebelas

Kenapa aku call pon tatau.

Dah la bile call je suka cakap as if aku ni calling from the nearest pay phone.

tak menghargai langsung aku call.

take it for granted.

kenapa.

the conversation we have are repetitive.

redundantly not important at all.

its as if you dont even look forward to me calling so that you could share with me something great about your day.

kenapa barang2 untuk aku kene tinggalkan kat vera yang ade kat kuantan?

aku ade muke mcm slalu nak pergi kuantan ke.

haha mystery gile.

ok la frust. sejak datang guntong-d aku frust je call kau.

sbb respons kau lembab.

aku pinjam credit i-talk dari wizan rm1.60 sen.

not bad. leh la buang mase aku 6 minit panas kan bontot kat leather sofa PIC Guntong-D.

canggih.

Ten

Today I found out that my direct manager has no intention of promoting me to my next level.

He says I have an attitude problem.

How the fuck that ties in with my promotion is beyond me.

Too bad, I am seriously thinking of sitting down with my HR manager and setting some records straight.

Hopefully some one will get the axe for it.

Nine

Boring boring boring. Cakap telefon dgn kau sgt boring.

Aku cakap aku panas. Kau cakap OK.

Aku cakap bontot aku terbakar. Kau cakap tak mengapa.

Aku cakap bontot aku terbakar hoi kenapa kau diam je. Baru kau menggelabah nak fikir ayat reply terhebat.

Sucker.

Why the fuck do you take me for granted.

Lapan

Confused whether to stretch the stay to a full scale 5 weeks offshore.

Or to wiggle my way out to head home cause I miss him sometimes.

Post his departure I am to fend for myself again. And I don't think I can make it through another round of egoistical maniac verbal abuse.

Minggu Pertama

Hello guntong-D. Nice to meet you.

Enam Hari

Ade baur2 seperti aku akan dihantar pulang awal.

Mon dieu,non!

Lima

Rig down ni process yang slow dan painful. Tapi aku suka, sebab boleh ambil-ambil gambar in between.

And my supervisor pula suke pose for the camera. What fun!

Empat

Gotta run to another platform cause big bad workover rig is comin' in soon.

Like chess pieces, we move.

Tiga

Syukur Alhamdulillah. Done and done. Oh and I am so adoring adamaya. Its a to love for series. I even dreamt the hero last night. Hahahahahaha. Ok. cukup.