Talk about dirty laundry

One of the dumbest thing you can ask a married person is to read this article that seems to be readily accessible online 'how to know you're not going to marry the wrong person' like serious shit? A few of my friends have actually asked me to read it and tell them what I think. Sheesh. Maybe a few of you can tolerate that kind of re-assessment post the big decision. Maybe you were set in stone. 

Sure it would be nice to know if yes he is the one or no he isn't really the one. Would you still have listened? No because the heart wants what the heart wants. And because more than you know, He has already written everything, with a reason, a purpose. Not a single thing is done in vain. You KNOW better than that.

But I guess it is only fair - since I am still surrounded by people who are still searching, still wondering if they have found the one. I felt a need to dwell on this infamous question once more.. I guess I can say a few things that are - so far - proven to have helped me keep my feet on the ground.

Be with someone that needs not changing. You will only be disappointed when they do not change to the mould you have set out for them. You know what you like so stick to it. Common interests is a baseline requirement to make any relationship work.

Communication is key. I always hear this coming out of my mouth/keypad as I cleverly share my unlived wisdom to my friends. But seriously, you should always be able to talk about things with your partner. If he isn't going to take it well, then why the heck did you marry him for? 

Maybe some people feel there should be a border or a specified time or genre of tales that can be told to the spouse. I have personally tested the boundaries of such genres and am happy to say that if I feel like telling it, I shall. And if I believe telling the story is important to me, I shall as well. My happiness is the key to the happiness of my spouse, and child.

There is no point in keeping it all locked up. There is a point however to living in pairs, the way He planned it.

And lastly, people change. But not in any way you want or not want them to. Its just part of the equation that remains unknown and uncontrollable. Change is inevitable. The only way to deal with it is with a lot of faith and always touching base to make sure your partner has not strayed away too far.

Come back to center

The crack of dawn leads me to stir in bed, it is usually the time Mika will request his serving of chu-chu and - like clockwork that morning, he did. I pulled myself out of bed and with one eye closed, muster every ounce of energy into the simple concoction. Like a tired little bear, he dozes off leaving a quarter of the milk still inside the bottle - white lines softly trickling down his chubby cheeks and I smile in relief.

Seizing the moment, I tiptoe quietly out of the room after I spread out the curtains to stop the rays from piercing in. Sleep, my little prince.

Pushing open the sliding doors I softly laid down the yoga mat. Inhale in deep, and exhale in slow, controlled breaths. Tuck in my tummy. The cold wind hits my face and chest it was refreshingly calming. All I could hear were the birds and my own breath. Sun salutations and deep stretch makes me feel old and used. Need. To. Recharge. In every breath.

Once I am warmed up the motion is more fluid, more rewarding as I bend deeper into my poses and light up the nerves like crazy in shooting pain especially down my lower back as I hug my shins. Need. To. Feel. New. 

15mins is all I need, 15mins is all i have.

I slowly tune out the world now, and pretend to be lost in the green view in front of me. Only you know my story.

Feeling jovial and energized I attempt a headstand, controlling my core to not shoot up my legs too fast and fall even faster. I fall into a back bend and sway. I remember 4th grade in Dhaka - the playgrounds were enough space for us to practice tumbling. The sense of ease and achievement even if it is only a little.

And to come back to center, in every breath.  

Before we dim the lights

I've been having long hauled weeks that plow deep into my back. At night I lay down my aching body and dead mind to bed. It is still so funny. I can think of you even when I am about to die of exhaustion. The more I wish to not remember, the easier the memories seem to parade themselves even with my eyes forced shut.

Mika is now a full grown baby. He plays and communicates in whatever manner he wishes to. Bullies me, whines and whimpers when in need of attention. Will you take me to heaven, baby?

I did not manage to explain the Islamic calendar to the tight Scandinavian tin can of a man sitting across the dining table at lunch. I was dressed too pretty that day, a sour face would not match the turquoise ring nor the bright yellow blouse peppered with paisleys. I chose to shut up - please don't go around wondering why people don't like you - check the mirror, like really.

Its ironic how the future of your life actually lies in the hands of your friends - they know you better, they've worked with you and knowing the way the system works - you should always be nice to others. Are you ready for a challenge? You're kinda supposed to say Yesirreee to everything now, Kin.

Its night time again. My beauty routine all over, slather the magic lotions to stop aging and hide the physical ugliness. Collagen lipbalm makes my lips unkissable yet nicer the next morning. And the scent of vanilla from my hand cream fills the room - reminds me so much of V3 - and how you hated my vanilla perfume from body shop.