hoi kau cabar aku ke?

aku betul-betul tak paham la. tolong terangkan lagi sekali boleh tak? kenapa dulu-dulu masa aku tak nak kawan dengan kau, kau kata kat aku jom la berkawan. sekarang aku sudah pon berkawan kau, kau buat aku ni macam sesuatu yang tidak perlu kau jaga? kenapa? kau pernah terangkan kat aku dlu. tetapi aku sudah lupa la.

aku kerja teruk-teruk aku berharap secebis masa dari kau dalam sehari.
tetapi alasan bateri fon asek mati aku sudah tidak boleh terima. sori.

siapa aku?
sesuatu yang bila kau disuruh, masa itu la baru nak buat.

Shopping from the ship. Ahoy!!

Who says I can't find solace at sea??!!! Haha. Ni post-traumatic stress laugh. Or ape2 lah. I was browsing - no thanks to Zarina - through the internet for cool clothes. And Zarina hooked me up with a page from miss selfridges. She was just showing me the new cardigan she bought the other day in KL. Browse and browsed.. I found a totally delicious sequined cardi that would cost me 55 pounds.

Oh can somebody make me one!! OK harus saving dan berdoa agar apis pegi UK lg. haha. I'll print one in color for him to put in his wallet.

So skip that. Later I found this top. I saw something like this with fringe in gossip girls season 3, if you guys remember there was a time when Serena wore a tie-dyed pink vest that had silver fringework on the shoulders and back. Total bombshell piece!!

The price was not bad, at 17 pounds..and the length of it was nice, I could definitely pair it up with any cardigan I have and look dressed up and clean-cut. But couldn't be bothered about online shipping and stuff. Unless I can get the stores in KL to order this for me..scratch that.

Thanks to Zarina - again. She found this top and knew it was something I would like. I hope its as nice as the picture makes it out to be! Fingers crossed =)

Hari Raya Aidil Adha

Kalau dah tak nak sms tu kire mcm da tak nak jd girlfren boifren la kan. Haha. Cetek betul pemikiran aku. Ok tape. Kalau jadi kat awk tgk la cemane awk rase.

***

Selamat Hari Raya semua! Nikmati la saat indah bersama keluarga tersayang. Be safe.

Champion 7

The reason this platform is called Champion 7 is simple. But no one told me what it was until I went there myself. Its a super mother-platform with 7 modules interconnected. In oil world, that's pretty massive! I am not sure what is the production rate of these guys. Picture taken from the boat landing off the module I landed on. From this picture, you can see 4 modules, and include the one I'm on, would total to 5. Awesome!!

Confess

I have this thing for past relationships. I watch on telly and sit in awe and ponder if it is really like what I see, outside, in the real world and not in the world of beautifully written scripts and impeccable designer outfits that seem to match.

Its like a rash, starts small maybe on an unfavored spot of my face, say my nose. And gradually infects other parts of my body, as I feed on the ex-gossip that is oh-so-yesterday. You could even scoff at my face, and I'd relish it like it was something fresh, with meaning. As if it happened yesterday.

I have this thing for past relationships. At times I wish I had never opened his hand phone while I was bored and registered that one name in my head. It was like a hot ore, imprinting permanent thoughts to my small brain. It hurt. But I was blinded and thought little of it at the time.

I'm not sure what I should do about this. I do not want to bear kids and still be spiteful with jealousy over someone that is his past. Argh. Its very frustrating.

I have this thing for past relationships. Ah well, its more than just a thing. Its really eating me alive. And I have no clue how to rid of it.

Hati Si Dia.

KERETE. MUSIC. BASS.

Cinta baru saya.

Kerja shift ni memang mencabar. Bila habis shift, kita berharap ada org yang setia menanti untuk merawat luka, menceriakan suasana atau bertanyakan khabar. Kenapa tak ada sms?

Awk kata saya suka cari gaduh.

Tak mengapa. Saya cari penyelesaian sendiri dalam web. Saya terubat dengan nukilan Mohd Jayzuan, whomever you may be, thank you for this entry.

Ia membawa saya pulang ke titik permulaan kita. WCC yang dihuni lipas pun saya sanggup naik, gara-gara nak bersama awk.

Mungkin awk pun mahu membaca peristiwa cinta ini, supaya awk tidak menjadi orang yang lupa.

Lupa kenapa saya terlalu berharap pada awk.

Mahukan semua.

My future milestones :

1. My 2-year promotion
2. T is for.
3. My 3-year final project/promotion
4. K is for.

5. Sambung belajar. Seriously. Tapi tak pasti nak sambung belajar dalam jurusan apa. It would take some time to find out what I am eligible to enroll for. Maybe something totally different like MBA or the likes. International Affairs? Journalism? Hah. Those are pipe dreams down the drain.

6. If #5 fails..then I should just concentrate at living the blue life.

Tad sad I've been had.

Sang Curious.

Sedang aku menunggu pakcik kelakar dari Weatherford untuk kembali ke atas pelantar, aku memilih untuk berangan dengan bebas sambil duduk bodoh di tepi i-beam ditemani pemandangan si Ajang Haidah.

Aku terfikir. Bagaimanakah agaknya akan diri ku sekiranya dahulu aku memilih untuk mencuba segalanya? Banyak perkara yang aku agak ketinggalan. Ok. Jangan panik. Aku cuma mengaju kan sahaja soalan ini. Mungkin persoalan ini timbul akibat pengaruh rakan-rakan sekeliling. Tapi sebenarnya, tidak. Perkara ini telah pun ku kaji sejak berada di bangku sekolah, gred 6 di Dhaka.

Waktu itu aku seorang budak yang memakai seluar pendek ketika berbasikal mengelilingi premis kota Dhaka. Dan berseluar panjang untuk pergi ke sekolah kerana Mama sudah pesan padaku bahawa Ayah tidak suka aku berseluar pendek. Ok lah. Apa kaitan?

Bagaimana pula dengan aktiviti seperti cuba pergi clubbing, out to partayy, atau co-ed lifestyle? Simply put. Co-ed tidak lah membuat aku rasa begitu janggal, dutifully due to my upbringing abroad.

Ya, aku sedar aku merewang jauh dari tajuk atau fokus sebenar. Persoalan nya di sini. Memandangkan aku tidak pernah mencuba arak, menindik lidah atau kening atau pusat (tetapi 3 di telinga), merokok (cubaan sekadar 2-3 puff tidak diambil kira ok), mahupun mencuba apa-apa jenis dadah suka ria, adakah ia akan merupakan satu downshide buat diriku sekiranya aku berdepan dengan situasi dimana aku mahu menegakkan pendirianku versus bakal anak-anakku kelak?

Dan ya, aku kerap merasakan kegagalan dalam aspek ini simply because aku tidak mempunyai pengalaman atau dasar kukuh untuk menang dlm rebuttal tersebut.

Original and Fresh

There was a period in time where I was a copy cat. It was rather recent, actually. Remember the person I was stalking-following-admiring from afar? Yeah, it was rather inspiring really. I could see which aspect of her that came across as appealing, attractive, a total bombshell.

I took snippets of her life and tried to incorporate them into mine. It was rather scary at first, which in time turned out to make me feel very sad. A lot of copying was done. From simple color schemes, to the way she accessorized - simple and understated. The pieces she'd wear, and to what kind of event she would wear them to - clean cut and chic. I personally felt that I had the same of fashion flair for colors and contrast. Staying true to myself became hard. A lot things I could not duplicate merely due to the fact that I am a tad conservative. I morphed. I had to make this style work for me.

At first it was a lot of fun, shopping for pieces that has 'ME' written all over it and then in the back of my mind I would ask, now would she wear this..? Playing pretend is kind of hard, especially if you don't have a written script or wardrobe lady to assist you.

I didn't quit cold turkey. I did it gradually. I liked the bright colors I am, the bold patterns I am, the sparkly pieces I am. I needed to stay true to myself. This discovery came across as a wake-up call. And I'm a quarter of a century old to realize that I can never be someone else. I will never have a perfect complexion, a body to die for, a knack for things unique, anything extra ordinary.

Who cares if I'm not flawless. You're special if you believe in it.

Cummulous Nimbus

The sky is playing games with me today. From a swollen dark purple, stream of orange lights up the horizon. It is a new day. I take a deep breath and feel a deep sort of sadness. Two of my malaysian crew are leaving. They were the only thing that made me felt like I was at home. The bed I sleep in is warm, sheltered. Fuzzy to the touch of the plural duvets that I have opted to monopolize. Before I sleep, I think about happy moments I like to replay. Short phrases, places, faces, foot steps.

The sky is a shade of light blue, crisp and chirpy. The wind blows steadily, drying my break of sweat. Sounds of waves crashing gently below me fills in the background. Its as if God did not want me to feel so empty and alone. Up ahead, there is an array of fluffy cumulous nimbus. They remind me of you. And right beside them, an army of dark clouds outline the nearby platforms.

It felt like God was teasing me. The sky transforms every few minutes, always unpredictable, always spectacular. Of course He is the only one who can determine my fate, the day's course of events. I am merely a chess piece and believe that God knows what is best for me.

For now, my place is here.

Fibrefuns

Cuma enam hari yang lepas aku mengarang 'let it rain'. Kini aku berada di dalam bilik 312 atas kapal kecil Ajang Haidah. Sedap kan nama kapal ni? Kenapa cepat sangat rasa rindu. Dan menjurus ke arah ingin menangis. Aku memilih untuk mendengar lagu gembira. Lagu-lagu yang kedengaran tiap kali aku menaiki WCC dulu. Lily Allen, dan juga Letto. Lagu 'Radio' dari Regina Spektor juga menjadi lagu tema ketika sedang hangat bercinta dulu. Kini, aku seorang diri meneruskan hubungan aku dengan Regina. Aku ada album baru dan juga album lama beliau. Best juga. Spunky and unique. Satu paket Roselle kering sudah aku habiskan. Gara-gara aku mabuk malam semalam. Aku tidak mandi, atau pun berus gigi. Aku cuma mampu menyondol muka aku ke dalam bantal sambil menghidu bau-bau yang menyenangkan dari sweater dark brown yang aku pinjam dari dia. Mabuk laut ialah perkara yang aku paling tak boleh terima dalam hidup. Duduk offshore di atas pelantar macam kacang je kalau mahu dibandingkan dengan tinggal di atas boat.

Yang penting hari ini aku dapat mengirim pesanan ringkas melalui YM dan bertanyakan pada diri nya.

Awak happy tak hari ini?

Chronology of you.

Today I feel that time is a mean bitch. Not only that it passes so fast and that I am constantly trying to make it freeze, it has changed a lot around me. Change is good, or so they say. Its been a wonderful journey that I am on, and the effects of time has taken its toll. The cycle of life. When time first began, it was all beautiful like a pod in spring waiting to burst into something of promised grandeur. I was blinded by the euphoria my heart felt with every moment I spent in his presence. When time evolved I felt that I was more mature as I saw him for who he truly was and we both made our sacrifices to show how much we meant to each other.

But that was then. When time had not pass me in leaps and folds.

When time stood still I found the urge to reach out and remind you why we are here. You have always been like the moon, by gravitational force you are connected to the earth, where I am. There were times where you lost your ground and drifted away from me. Of course you never noticed. I set you free, you said.

That was then, when time was something I had ample amount of. Now its just a luxury neither of us makes good use of.

Sadly time is sprinting by me and I see you slowly swirling in a black hole of no return. You step on my feelings the way tractors do to junk metal. With brute force. Yes I hate her. But this has nothing to do with that. We never talk about these things, we never text it cause its too personal either.

We will both run out of time one day, and when the day comes I'm not sure I want to have you to blame on.

Let it rain

Who needs to be worried about rain when all you need to make you feel warm and safe is right there beside you? I know that this luxury does not make itself available for everybody. Myself included.

Its the kind of feeling you get going through old photo albums in your external hard drive. And the trail of events that seem to parade themselves in front of you when you smile with each click of your mouse.

Photography should not only be art. Its purpose is lost if it strayed away from its ultimate goal as a recording machine. Im lazy with digital editing. I dont have the time of day to edit and install the software. I'd love to if i had the time. In fact I'd love to do so many things if I had the time.

This is a picture of somewhere I love, taken from a spot I love.

Just the sight of KL will make me happy as it is so close to home. Well it is home.And that little black thing on the far right corner reminds me that I was taking this picture from the spot i love most.

The passenger seat of his car.