Confess

I have this thing for past relationships. I watch on telly and sit in awe and ponder if it is really like what I see, outside, in the real world and not in the world of beautifully written scripts and impeccable designer outfits that seem to match.

Its like a rash, starts small maybe on an unfavored spot of my face, say my nose. And gradually infects other parts of my body, as I feed on the ex-gossip that is oh-so-yesterday. You could even scoff at my face, and I'd relish it like it was something fresh, with meaning. As if it happened yesterday.

I have this thing for past relationships. At times I wish I had never opened his hand phone while I was bored and registered that one name in my head. It was like a hot ore, imprinting permanent thoughts to my small brain. It hurt. But I was blinded and thought little of it at the time.

I'm not sure what I should do about this. I do not want to bear kids and still be spiteful with jealousy over someone that is his past. Argh. Its very frustrating.

I have this thing for past relationships. Ah well, its more than just a thing. Its really eating me alive. And I have no clue how to rid of it.