15

I want to remember a few people who reacted entertainingly cute when they found out. Namely Kak ngah, na, and also my bestie of 14 years.

At this point in time, impregnated with a human inside of you may come across as a normal deal. Surely its got to be special.

***

I had a really bad dream last night. Had the same villain in it. Isn't that annoying? Its funny how we question our own dream like, wonder why he said those words? When really, it was created by our own brain.

Keep thinking about this when I'm alone in the lifts.

Number One!

Baru lepas mengadap #1 di pejabat client for operations. Korang tau ke macam mana perasaan jumpa dgn #1? Kalau suruh jumpa #1 kat platform pon boleh rasa challenged, ni kan pula disuruh jumpa #1 of the whole operations di lautan!! In english, my mind was in churning in overdrive trying to find the right words to say so that I don't jeopardize myself or anything that breathes.

Bottom line, perkara ini bukan lah salah aku. Aku cuma sekadar interface antara client dan juga top management. Tapi biasa lah, dah kerja SLB. Semua taik asalkan its in your way, memang kau yang kene sapu.

Semalam Kemaman ada buat bbq sempena 2 crew balik dari laut. Celebration la konon. Siap ada yang sponsor beli booze aku tak tahan. Lepas tu..haih..tah siapa2 la yang dok minom hingga ke titisan terakhir tu kan?

Allah telah memberi kita dengan seribu satu nikmat, dan dikurniakan dengan rezeki yang banyak..tetapi kte terus menyombong dan lupa diri. Renung-renungkan lah.

***

Apis balik tak lama lagi. Yipee!

Two birds on a wire

This was a day before he had to leave offshore. Perhaps 2 weeks into the marriage.

The week of the grapefruit.

Sitting in the rain, watching everything peppered by unforgiving droplets of water...I whiskfully think of hot soup, preferably with chicken, potatoes and carrots. I begin to salivate, and swallow.

The trials and tribulation of being away from our loved ones, especially my parents during times of much transition happening inside of me. I can't even call them to say I'm sad or happy or that I miss them. I smile when I imagine F reading intently-something he hardly ever does-on an apple application that follows the progress of our baby.

I know I am strong enough to endure this - hell others have gone through it under more depressing circumstances. I feel a warm teardrop roll down my cheek and swiftly wiped it away. It seems to be the only thing that keeps me company lately. Crying is such a familiar feeling it is always striking close to my heart.

I miss my friends and house in Kemaman. I had enough rest, food, I was laughing a lot more. I am stressing out my baby for sure.

Somehow I'd envision myself to be a happy happy mommy, perhaps just like my mom did. She divulged in boxes of Belgian chocolates, white and milk being her favourites. Now, hunger pangs are treated like heart wounds and the empty space in my head is often filled with self pity.

I have a 35-page cementing program to write and yet this unhappiness is so overwhelming I write it with such ease.

Only to Allah do I turn to, always.

Counting Teardrops

When you deliberately sprinkled salt all over the piping hot rosti at Marche's. I knew you did not want to share it with me. And cried. You teased and said the salad I was having was so good it could make you cry.

When you had to brake out of the sudden, I thought we were going to die. I hit you and then cried.

When we part ways, well. I always cry. I've done my reading and they say its the crazy hormonal imbalance taking its toll.

The plum week