After the storm

Pagi tu Mama and Aboh had to decide on a final name for you. I knew it would be this from the start, saje je pancing F if we could have it spelled any other way =)

That evening we took you home and the first thing I did was cry my heart out. Our room was nowhere close to being a baby-friendly space for you. We didn't have the bed for you, or any bedsheets. There was no space meant for you. I cried, I felt so overwhelmed by your presence. I looked around our room and only saw pictures of F and I as a couple, and a bunch of pictures of me with my belly plastered on the wall. Where did you come from? Who are you again?

My least favourite show now is bringing home baby. I made my delivery..something closer to a nightmare than I'd have liked it to be. That would be something I have to work on for the next baby.

Sharing the love

Mama and Aboh loves you Mika, can't wait to take you out and explore the world. (But I've got to sort out this whole breastfeeding bonanza first - and then the whole circus of taking you out without losing a limb hi hi hi)

Happy 1 month baby!

Coming of age

Ironically enough, ever since I had Mika, I kept on thinking about his death. Or deaths. It has nothing to do with postpartum depression or anything. I had a rough time feeding him since he was rooming in with us in our lovely ward 6H-7. He was always sleepy, and I had a hard time waking him up for feeding. I had milk, but I knew he wasn't drinking in as much as he should be.

My ultimate fear became reality - Mika had a tad of jaundice as his birilium (spell?) level was nearing the 200 danger mark. He spent a full 24 hours inside the nursery where lil' babies were put under the blue-ray light (ok it isn't blue-ray duh). Mothers had to go to the nursery to feed the babies. Mika always gave me a heart attack cause he was so frail and small and I had trouble waking him up...which lead me to think of him dying at such a young age.

His skin would softly slide from under his chin due to the gravity. His nostrils were like millimeter marks on a ruler. I even went to the extreme of wiping his face with water to wake him up. In the end I had to resort to pumping and having the nurses feed him.

***

On the opposite side of the age scale, it saddens me to see my mama aging so. I know its a foolish thought to think otherwise, that a women of her caliber would never age, would always stay so vibrant and energetic. I am digging a pit-less hole of sorrow by doing this, I know.

Now I've got to go enjoy the young, with the help of the old. I love you Mama.

Mika turns 12 days

He weighs at 3.88 kgs, and is 53.5 cms long. We are getting used to one another now. He opens his eyes a lot and sleeps through the night like an angel =) Aboh of course would not know of this. We shall let Aboh sleep, he's got to go to work anyways.

***

Doa untuk anak yang lembut hati :

(surah al-Anbiya, ayat 69 : Kami berfirman : "Hai api, jadilah engkau sejuk serta selamat sejahtera kepada Ibrahim!")

Source taken from here =) Selamat beramal!

Meet Mika

This post is a bit overdue, but to those who do not have access to my FB account or any other means of reaching me..here is my latest and most proudest achievement in my 27 years of life.

Mikael Alawi =) who was born on the 18th of November, 3:12 pm a staggering 3.55kg and 51 cms long.

My prayer for you little one, may you grow up beautiful and strong, a man of responsibility and of his word. A caliph on Allah's soil, a loyal servant to Him forever. Amin.

11th Hour

So this is what it feels like. You kicking and the uterus contracting while we are watching Immortal and Tintin. One minute you are playing in lala land, the next you are an unforgiving spasm that leaves me a bit choked on whatever that is in my mouth (I'm munching a lot, always!!)

Its ok..I've faith in myself. I think Faliq is wayyyy more than excited. He's picking up things like what a baby carrier is, burping QQ as a practice platform, and taking the task of choosing a baby stroller wayyy more seriously than I am. He wants the all black version of this stroller, which is equivalent to the neverfull that I want. Tsk tsk.

This is cool. So are we ready for a new member?

Raya Haji 2011

I celebrated being at 38 weeks. Feeling the load now..and seeing the weight =) I've gained 12 kgs and now stand at 63kg. Awesome. You're gonna be one chubby bundle of chumchum-ness. Eternally grateful to those willing to photograph us. Much love!

Photo by : Aizat Ridzuan, my big heart of a cousin. For hire if interested =)

Thank God for companion!

I was saved yesterday, by a fallen angel! So glad and thankful that my babes B was around to be lugged around with me to the home deco expo and baby clothes hunting. Didn't do any damage, just marked all the things that I wanted to revisit later during the weekend with my invisible neon post-it tab.

Why are baby clothes so darned expensive?? Haha..I am at peace with the fact that I am carrying a baby boy. I believe I will bury the whole family in bankruptcy (spell?) if I had a bubbly baby girl instead. Its ok, we can try next time!

Tummy update : this is me at 36 wks lovers!

Today I visited my cool as a cucumber doctor, who repeatedly reminded me to steer off the sugars and sweet stuff. Haha. Sorry, I love my pastries. Ok fine today will be the last day I binge on sugar. No serious!! Cause I gained 1.5 kg this month. And I'm up to see him again in 2 more weeks. Dang. 11-11..wonder how many people have signed up for a delivery on that day? I'd rather wait it out. Perhaps 20-11. So he can share the same digits with F =)

I went to see a physiotherapist earlier this evening. She's really cool and talks in all this bone-doctor jargon and I just nod occasionally to show I'm alert in the midst of it all. I'm suffering from SPD. Haha. And she's plastered some funky tape on my arse that looks like a spiderweb. We'll see how that goes.

Two more day.

Trying to find the light on Deepavali

I've always perceived myself as a tough cookie, I mean real tough. But it just tears me apart when I am thrown into the ringer with the current situation I am bearing. Fine fine. Its not like I am the only one going through a long distance relationship (in a nutshell that is what F and I have had since the days we went a courtin') and its not like I am the only one going through pregnancy alone with the occasional husband around. But heck I do not appreciate people coming up to me and say things like, " Aww chill babe me and him, we were also apart when I was preggered.." like seriously?

The core of relating to someone-scrap that. The fundamental basics of trying to understand what someone else is going through is to really reallllllly get in between the facts and imagine what it is like to be me. The devil is in the detail. Not intending on making this entry self centered but hey - when you were pregnant, you had your parents a phone call away didn't you? You had your husband a dial away didn't you? Haha so please pleasee spare my broken soul by saying (what comes across to me as an empty shit phrase) that you went through something of similar nature.

If you could call your mum, husband..saw them at scheduled periods of time. Then shut the fuck up.

Haha ok. Tu je nak cakap.

***

On a brighter note I'm celebrating tomorrow with a girlfren and hope to set some sparks on fire! I knoww it is so exciting!!

Haha. Week 36 is sorta driving me loco. No thanks to your absence.

scrpbk

I really enjoy being pregnant. It is a blessing from the One and only. Will not find a single spec of a millisecond to say that I would have done things differently.

***

Pieces of my life,

And his.

We used to be two,

but three,

Would be a nicer way to continue,

the journey.

I do miss F being around for the last 2 months of your growth spurt. Be a good baby, please.

Pantun 4 kerat Ujie

Hari ini 12 Oktober,

Ada lagi 4 bulan untuk bersiap,

Kamu semua kawan yang over,

Sila datang dengan mekap.

***

Two of my close friends are planning their wedding. Funny how technology can keep everyone on the loop of their preparation. I think its pretty neat. I don't recall having shared my thoughts or asking my bunch of girls what they thought on location, color selection..themes. Ah but no - do not get me wrong. I enjoyed every single moment of the decision making, be it that I had to do most of it on my own.

Its just kinda fun now, that when we meet up, we can talk about how Miss A or Miss B's wedding preps are going and the person of interest need not even be there. Cool.

Filling in the empty space

Am I that much of a loner? Recently, yes. Since he's been gone for almost 6 weeks is it now? What am I to do..A lot of decisions, major ones that need to be made. I do my best by beating the lonely bug with filling my time doing things that would distract me, and make my days more worthwhile..(while waiting for him to come home). I went to antenatal class the other day at PCMC. Had already paid and everything, so glad that Naz could accompany me. Else I'd be like a dumbstruck monkey who'd lost his bananas. Haha. Ok paham tak?

I went to Westlife's concert the other day. It was an office event, pretty cool I know!! During one of the ballads, they asked us to share a dot of light. The outcome is pretty awesome.

Have been hanging out with Adam lately. He's a real charmer. God I pray my little baby boy will be able to sit in high chairs and car seats patiently just like Adam. I teach them cool stuff like sticking out your tongues. Kann..tak pernah buat kan Adam kan?

Just get tired real quick lately. Am getting bigger..and bigger..wow is the word.

This is Big

I feel a bit physically challenged. Especially when I have to walk to the train and lug my laptop bag along. I hate that bag. Its so heavy - darn it.

Some times it feels like I have a ball under my blouse. Sometimes it feels like I have a water bag full of fishies. Maybe then it felt like fishies, but I think its starting to feel more like a baby. I wish I could laugh or giggle every time you moved and kicked like crazy when I am in the presence of others. Hi hi. Its like a secret, right.

Please could I just take leave now. I have no drive.

Henry Ejan

Henry and Ejan. Two of my closest junior engineers. Two of which I would like to say I've 'welcomed' to the nasty world of oil and gas. Sad is the tale of friends departing for the better..Ejan will pursue her journey of finding her place in the coiled tubing world. And Henry will be leaving to look after her pretty preggered self in Norway..



Its weird and hard to explain, the relationship I have with my female work friends. Its like we grew closer in a pressure cooker, and sought each other in extreme times of need, when nobody could relate to the circumstances we are facing on a daily basis.

Do take care. Will miss you both.

Secret Parcels

I'm still scratching my head on how to upload pictures from my iphone. I've had a rough couple of days last week and am not planning on having any this week. 

Its been officially a whole darned month that F has been away and I'm left with my siblings. Luckily Qq has decided to come down to KL and shes tonnes of fun although she does seem to cry a lot.

 My tummy is getting bigger and the lil one is quiet a restless one at that. I doubt that his head ia anywhere near south. I think its still wrong way up or sideways even. Should I feel nervous? I've started on a baby scrapbook and shall continue with a house scrapbook. Talk about planning! I have to design a job that I've never done before..that sucks. Ah well, at least I got someone to accompany me to the antenatal class.. 

 Dear F, please come back soon. I'm bored out of my mind on weekends and I'd really like to get some shopping done.. Thank you for the lovely surprise!! Love you!!!

Masih bulan Raya!

I'm in my 30th week now. And was supposed to have travelled to Penang for a wedding over the weekend. Physically, I don't think I am up for it. Even a short walk from the LRT to the office leaves me panting like crazy and don't even get me started on the pain I accumulate on my back! This week, I vow to leave my laptop in the office..and work on the baby's scrapbook!!

Had a great week visiting my friends' houses. Some big, some smaller. All warm and cozy. I guess this says a lot about how old you are, when you are entering the new world of making house and keeping up appearances ahakz~

My parents are happy in Astana, they've just called. Seems like they are all so eager to take us there..but I'm in a dilemma, whether to go there with the soon-to-come lil' one or what. F has been away for 2 weeks now. But last night we got to talk through viper. So I am wonderfully happy.

Raya 2011

Fooling around on our way to Melaka, bapok la jem jalan tu..

Hari Raya!! Tahun ni sangat la bermakna..Mama and Ayah were around, plus our first ever raya together =) sangat sangat gembira. Abang pon sempat join kami di Kendong, walaupun Kak Liza sedang berpantang di Batu Pahat bersama si Qiesha Qasreena (hueh betul ke aku heja ni). We did 2 nights in Kendong, and 2 nights in Pekan. So fair la kann..I'm anxious about our next raya together but that's a year away.

Lepak kampung Atok best..walaupun Atok sudah tiada. Pagi Raya tetap meriah dengan sesi bersalam-salaman..aku segan la nak mintak ampun berjele2 kesalahan aku kat F. Aku segan kalau aku nages nanti lepas tu mesti F akan usik aku. Dia tu mane reti serious. Which is why I can vividly recall our nikah ceremony. Hahaha BOYY was he serious then. So yes, aku ngelat mintak maaf dari suami aku sendiri. Tapi mlm semalam sebelum lelap aku dah mintak ampun maaf salah silap segal taik aku buat kat dia. Sebok je nak tahu gak kannn. Haha.

Pakcik kata F ni lasak, bagus la kot..one of the boys. Boleh join Paksu buat meriam buluh, siap amek tiang pagar concrete nenek mano tah kek Tampin. Isk isk. Cuma tak sempat nak naik sungai je..sebab da kene balik Pahang.

Vera yakin sangat her tummy is bigger than mine - until she saw my tummy!!

Di Pekan pada raya-2..dah tak brapa nak macam raya la..cause most of the families had already left and everyone was taking their late afternoon nap. Aku tetap dgn spirit raya aku..hari2 aku pakai baju kurung. Menu pon ikut suka je..potato salad, bread & butter pudding, aglio olio pasta, I didn't have anything too spicy. It'd excite my stomach too much later on. I still had the energy to go about but can't tolerate standing up too long. Macam malas. Tapi sakit sbnanye.

This is why Faliq ensists we spend more days in Pekan..so he can catch up on his fav hobby. Poor soul (me!!!) always waking up early with no clue what to do.

Raya ke-3 pergi Kuantan! Yeay akhirnya..tapi semua bangun lambat and F biasa la dgn agenda ad-hoc sokmo dia. Aku tak sempat berjumpa dgn Kiyai..am so sorry. But we did hang out at Toy's in Kubang Buaya 88 and then later met up with Suraya at TC. It was late so I didn't get to walk on the beach. It was nice to meet up with friends. Such a luxury I can't describe..living this 'normal' life. Watched Hantu Bonceng later that eve with the siblings. OK la, klakar jugak cerita dia. Been a while since we watched a movie.

This is your first ever duit raya from Aunty Amy!! Fanboy and ChumChum. I've taught F how to say it like the commercials do.

Raya ke-4, was our return trip to KL. But before we left we stopped by Maran. Arwah Abah F's side..I had a good time. Finished 2 packs of polaroids with the family =) Next year, it will be such a different raya for our family! Am excited..

***

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin

A few days before Raya!

Hola I'm 7 whopping months!!

***

Had a great few days with my close friend, Jengae. Its been ages since we've hung out like this. F wasn't around so we made it a sleep-over. I got a free makeover and love loveddd the eye make-up she did. (I felt like Kim K'dash - at the eyes only laa...keji)

Went for a much needed pedi and mani. Sunway Giza is pretty neat, next time you go, you MUST wear a sundress or let your hair down. The breeze is just wonderful!

My IKEA friends cc application got rejected, not really sure why..should I be worried? hak hak. I hate you ikea!

***

We had daging pacak early this morning for Sahur. Our last sahur for our first ever Ramadhan together. So happy you were here with me throughout the whole month (give or take).

***

I'm working today (somewhat), later at 2 we're gonna go put up one more set of lights at our place, change my sunnies that I got at a dirt cheap price, pack my bags and either have our iftar in KL or head back to Atok's in Kendong =)

Turning 27 at Number 30

Rachel we love you!! Even mama remembers you!! Happy birthday doll..sorry I was late!!

Elly I missed you!

Of course there was charades. A big group and tonnes of laughing. Tsk tsk. Tak senonoh betul perangai. Just for the record tudung tu mama beli kat jalan Tar rm8.70 ye, sila la carik. I am not in shape for jln Tar-ing.

Much love.

17 Ramadhan

Ruang legar udara segar, aka tempat bersalam di pagi Raya (di rumah lama)

Pada asal nya, Atok merasa sedih bila KTM memaksa dia untuk berpindah ke tanah lain. Masa itu sangat sedih membayangkan Atok, di usia tua, terpaksa berhadapan dengan perubahan yang besar. Penukaran tempat tinggal, yang melibatkan rutin seharian Atok. Dah tak ada lori sayur untuk di sapa di waktu pagi, atau orang-orang kampung yang lalu lalang di waktu petang. Bagi aku, itu lah titik permulaan di mana Atok dan kebahagiaan mental nya tidak akan sama seperti dulu. At a golden age of 86, I think it is close to cruelty.

Ini tempat kegemaran aku dan sepupu-sepupu ku! Verandah ke? Mungkin satu ketika dahulu ia verandah. Tapi bagi kami cucu-cucu Atok, ini la landasan berlari paling best di dalam rumah kayu Atok. Rumah atok bersebelahan dengan landasan keretapi. Tiap kali mendengar bunyi horn keretapi, kami akan berlari (intentionally with force) dari hujung ruang tamu ke hujung tingkap, untuk melambai keretapi. Ape punye perangai lah. Atok tidak pernah sesekali memarahi kami. Melainkan aku yang suka sakat anak ayam Atok, dan menapau anak ayam untuk di bawa pulang ke KL. Tapi akhirnya, anak ayam itu pasti mati juga kerana diasingkan dari environment semula jadi nya.

Ini sudut katil Atok di rumah lama. Best sangat. Aku selalu suka tido kat sini. Atok letih halau aku sambil cakap , "Atok nak tido da ni.." haha..saba yo lah Atok eh. Kita boleh je kongsi katil ni tok, masa tu saya kocik yo. Atok suka bantal busuk yang kami bawak pulang dari Taiwan. Warna merah, dengan polka-dots hitam. Cute sangat Atok pon ade bantal busuk. Pada hari Atok masuk Wad di Hospital Tampin, Atok tidak lupa untuk membawa bantal itu bersama.

Bye-bye Atok buat selama nya..

Ini lah Atok. Sentiasa menjenguk, menunggu cucu dan anak-anaknya pulang ke kampung. Atok sangat manja. Dia tidak seperti Encik (atok) belah Melaka. Sekarang satu pon aku tak ada. Baik Atok mahupun Encik.

Atok I will miss you so much. Kenapa Atok kurus sangat?

Tak apa lah Atok, kurus ke gemok ke, yang penting Atok sudah menyahut panggilan Illahi. InsyaAllah Atok akan berjumpa dgn Nenek di sana. Saya akan selitkan doa khas untuk Atok tiap kali mlm jumaat menjelma..

Al-Fatihah.

Silver Jubilee

At 25 weeks =)

The baby is kicking a lot more now, and usually active around 11am, and later at 4pm (as if to remind me to pack up and go already). F still hasn't gotten used to the sensation yet. Or he's just acting all macho and him-like. Really happy that the baby is doing well, and hopefully will be OK during this ramadhan.

Surie's engagement.

Our first meal at our place.

We're both considering everything economical and feasible at the same time. Can't seem to get it all together in due time. Wish I was not under a time constraint. Bah humbug. So thankful to Allah that I made it this far. That's all that should matter!

Paitz Adam's turn

Lovely simple wedding at the Duchess' place, Ampang. One of the earliest couple I got to know ever since befriending F. Hehe. Real good friend, especially good on financial advice. I'm so happy and excited for you both! Congratulations and welcome to the love nest club!

Let's play pretend

Let's play pretend,

As if we have all the time in the world,

As if anything we'd touch will turn into gold,

Not knowing what awaits us,

The joy, pain and tears

Let's play pretend,

As if we were richer than the kings,

As if we were meant to be happy, in worldly tidings,

Not counting the sacrifices,

The good, bad of vices

Let's play pretend,

As if you will love me endlessly,

As if I will understand you unconditionally,

My wants, are yours,

Our goals, dreams and beliefs, as one.

Don't be so serious, we're just playing pretend.

At 5 months

My best preggo pic. Else I would not care to pose to reveal my tumtum.

Birthday Sekmek Amani

Went to a baby birthday party for dear Qisha Amani at Ampang the other day. Must say I was surprised that the other babies were all quietly doing their thing. I was expecting a riot of some sort but naaahh.. they decided to be on their best behaviour that evening. Or does it have something to do with their scheduled 5pm nap times? Beats me.

I personally love the pics by the official photographer..i think the moments captured in each of them is wonderful! ok i've overbeaming with positive vibes. Haha.

Happy birthday Amani =) Much love!!

Khayra Choms!

She sniffs at her sister's braids. She screams out 'Nenek nenek..' cause she probably only knows those words to the song. She's got a cute little chin that is squarish and sharp at the same time. Comel nye!!

A place to call our own

We are both on edge and impatiently waiting for the keys. I hardly can remember what the rest of the property looks like.