Steel Frames and Permanent Things

November, December.

Every weekend is an event weekend.
I just hope I get to have them so I can paint the city red with the traditional dresses that I had painstakingly decide to get the fabrics all the way from KT. Puhshaww~ Oh and ‘em heels too. Been a while, shoes!

I hope I am not rude for doing this. Haha. Too much sun and not enough human interaction does this to people.

Early November would be my cousin’s wedding. We are a tight lot, we’re pretty close and all the sudden we are now all big people. BIG people. I am just plain happy that she is getting married, didn’t matter much to me who she chose, as long as she finally did choose. The dress I am supposed to wear to the reception is ready, a deep brown ladden with beads sponsored by my aunt. I just hope that event wont tire my mother out too much. She was way too involved with the engagement reception earlier this year. You need to rest, mama.

The following week would be an acquaintance’s wedding. He’s a friend of a friend. I’d rather opt not to go, but I’ll be damned if I will get off that easy for not wanting to go. I mean what is the point? I actually dig the groom. He kind of looks like a better version of Fahri from Ayat-ayat Cinta. I mean, seriously. I’d rather really not go, please God. I would probably sit through the whole reception wishing I was skinnier like a bark-rather than plywood wannabe. But my mental aneroxia aside, I wont know anybody. Plus I don’t smoke. So how hot will my seat get??

Then the next week that follows is also another wedding. Only this time he is a colleague. But this one depends on whether I am on holiday or not. If I am, then chances of me going are slim, but if I am (gasps!) at work or at the base, then I will see to it that I go. Musti musti.

Then theres that wedding in December that I am way more than happy to go to. But dread the side-dishing that you’d get from attending an event that includes re-union cum gossip girl version 2.0. But its probably the only event where people would go home satisfied, to see the bride in her dress, to steal the idea of the setting, and better yet, to get a full coverage on the latest updates on peoples’ lives. Is it just me, that is being vain? No, right?? I’ve decided to bring my beloved Jengs to acompany me. Enough of grand entrances for me, thanks.

Gangways

October was a good month for me. I learnt that I was no longer 12 and my father could no longer look after everything that caused me trouble. I could say that I took his existence for granted. How ungrateful of me.

It struck me rather shockingly when I was hundreds of miles away from shore, on a boat pretty much begging for mercy for this promotion that has gotten me up against a wall – that I needed to talk to my father.

Ever since I took up this job, all I saw was that not everyone is as nice as you hoped them to be. Like, who are you kidding? The best advice ever is, “you being too nice is not going to get you anywhere” and then came the best comment about me, “you’re too nice for this business” haha.. what kind of fucking joke do these people take me as?

I always had thought myself to be outspoken, or at least verbally strong in laying out the facts and setting things straight. But alas, my venture for the more “Wanita Melayu Terakhir” of me has only pushed me into the opposite direction of my goals. I needed to take the damned bull by the horns, for Pete’s sake! Who is this Pete by the way?

After 10 weeks being away from home, I decided it was all I needed to make myself more humble and more humane. I fought fire with fire, but am not proud of it. This is just not me. I like to reason, not be reasonably rude. Haha.

I thougt that I already had difficult people to deal with in my life, especially at work. But I was wrong. This trip has only proven that the world is full of shitbags waiting for you to clean up their mess for them.

So cliché, but I am ready to face the world! Haha. Its been a almost a month I had last set foot on mother earth. Damn damn.

Milk in your voice

That night I listened to Jason.

I missed him so much. I imagined myself getting ready for class and as I made my way to pocket C, I would tread on the gravel pavement under the pounding sun. And most of the time, almost all the time in my life, I would wish that I was someone else.

Prettier like someone else, Happier like someone else, Richer like someone else. But never want to be me. An absolute zero.

I realized that Details in the Fabric was a duet. The coarse voice was not Jason’s. His was smoother like thick cream.

I then dreamed about having lunch at this italian place I really enjoy but never had the chance to do so in the past year. A year. Damn. I imagined myself all dolled up to suit the summery scene of the city and sit myself next to my best buddies. What would I talk about? I had never been the center of attraction ever. Let alone be the one on the know of anything current. Always a step behind, while other people were busy getting ready for the most hip and upbeat unravelling of something great, I was doing..what?

The playlist went on to the next track. This time it was Alanis.

One of my friends is getting married in December. I am wondering what that would feel like, getting yourself nailed onto one person for the rest of your life. I’m sure they are going to make if through fine.

I’m very scared of that absolute final gesture. Before the deal is sealed and can never be broken. Everyone seems to have things in place.

How I wish I was that everyone else.

The Great Raya Escape!

This time, me and me girls prepped ourselves realll good. We brought like tonnes and tonnes of junk food. Chloe even made us cheesecake. Siyok wa. So the first few days the trash can outside our rooms had tell-tales signs of continuous pigging out occuring. Haha. Beh Beh.

The weather was good, not too strong wind or rainshower. Mama was like, " Kau tak tgk berita ke dik. Satu dunia tgh ribut2 korang lak lg nakg tgh2 laut.." Haha. Entah la ma, ni je cara nak cepat balik. Betahan ok!

Oh forgot to mention, Chloe even brought 2 jars of deliciously spicy sambal ikan bilis ok. Indonesia style! Oh me lovey dovey. Don't over do it or else I will feel the afternoon heat in my tummy! Damn. So today after sungkai for the last time this year, we decided to hunt down the Capitan. Or vessel Master as they call it.

Master John Koh. He's funny and cheerful, but I guess staying so long in the seas does that to a man.

We packed our bags once the vessel reached Muara. Apparently, there were some equipment on board Ajang that had already expired. Luckily for us, it was on the eve of Raya. Rezeki.. So dapat la balik =)

Walked our way out of the jetty/anchorage with our beloved laptop bags and other knick-knacks. So girang! The sea made me sick like crazy lah. Mati wo.

Nama pon jetty kan. So this one is for you. Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin!!

Dapat jugak aku dgr takbir raya..ingtkan malam raye aku sorang2 je takbir dlm hati. Syukur!! Esok beraya di rumah nenek Haya. And this time, Chloe is spending the night over as well!!