Raya Cakerawala

Hari ini hari raya. But somehow I didn't succeed in making it meaningful at least on the surface. I skipped the prayers, I didn't go downstairs to hang out with the guys. I secluded myself from them. I watched telly and read some more. I needed the sleep. There was no way in telling when I'd start my operation and from then on, I wouldn't be able to retire until the whole job is over with. I believe that is just a bag full of shitty excuses I keep with me..

The bright side of things is that two of my most important people are on safe shores. I called up mama, we didn't get into the sappy sad melody as all my crew seem to be expecting I would. Mama was just plain happy to be back and to be able to talk to me freely on the phone. We talked more about dubai duty free and menus than we did about feeling all sad and festive. With F, well. That has always been a bit hard to master. I'd be expecting him to pore out stories for me instead of having me reply all his questions with just 'hmm's and 'yup's. Am sorry for having such high hopes everytime we talk on the phone. But it got better during dinner. I guess he might have felt bad that I called him up and all he did was mutter the whole duration. Or maybe not.

This year's raya was a bit on the low side for me. I don't want to be too joyous and then find myself crying later just cause I enjoyed myself so much. Its how I believe the world works. Cry a little, smile a little. Too much of something good ought to lead to something bad just to counter it and strike a balance. Hey resident evil is out! So looking forward to watching that with F.

I wanna look ahead, look at tomorrow, look at next year. I'll be celebrating it with F, as a couple. Its going to be pretty exciting business! Ayah, I feel you. I hope you had yourself a much more cheerful day than your sorry daughter did. Mama and Wan hope you guys made Atok's day.. Abang and Kak liza, you're bound to be happy as long as the other is there.

Selamat Hari Raya, salam maaf zahir dan batin to all.

This year, raya is just about trying to be happy when the world is screaming for serious attention to all other things, other than your own happiness.

I love each and every one of you, and pray to find peace with everyone I've met along the way. To those whom I've made enemies of..well.

I forgive you too.