Infinite Bliss, like you said

It was a dry hot day and the sun was piercing through the empty sky. It was so hot even the clouds decided to quit their posts and run away to a hiding place. Away from the sun. We read the Yaasin and gave our prayers to those who are no longer with us. He was born on 2nd June and passed away on 6th February. The numbers interchanged, you'd notice if you wrote them down. I had never met him, and would always wonder what he would say to me if we'd meet. False dreams, I have so many of these in my head its hard to quit the habit now..

I never had anyone close to me die ever. My grandfathers both passed away when I had started working... But somehow I feel like I am ready. Its just not possible to have a year go by where nothing bad happens. Please please, die.

He loves you, you know that right? 

Tonight was the mother of all climaxes. No I didn't mean it sexually of course. When you make contact with people that you are not supposed to, which inevitably will hurt you the most. To see a blooming flower die in your hands. Or to let it die and then realizing the mess you've made years later. I've been grieving a lot lately. Gear permanently stuck in reverse. And the hard part is having to deal with it alone, not telling your soul mate because he might think otherwise?

I know I know I know. Everyone around me has been telling me the same thing. Its a lot harder then it looks, not that I expect you to know that.

I wanted to look for you, in the clouds. But it was such a hot day that the clouds  decided to quit their post and run away to a hiding place. 

***

I have 400 pages of chat history in my account. I have read through to 200. I think about deleting. But knowing myself too well I will opt not to. There is always a maybe. Notice the false dream? Told you its hard to quit. 

Stay safe.