Beach Bum Always

The wind whips wildly around me, smashing my hair around as I try to gather it back in a lazy ponytail. The beach does this sometimes. I think it does this almost everytime I am here. Its been a while, since my last visit to the beach. Instanty I recall the numerous evenings I spent running up and down the steep slope beach of Monica Bay. I hid my keys in my socks while I ran, my best friend would just leave hers under the driver's seat. Loco. Kemaman. Was never a true fan of the local sata and air nyiur. The beach, alone, was sufficient.

I've fallen in love many times on the beach. Never did I give it away that easily, unless you were paying attention.  Pretending to be occupied with the construction of an unruly sandcastle. Pretending to be asphyxiated with the motion of waves crashing by, the wind, sand on my knees and in the folds of my jeans. Did you notice? I'd shrug off unnecessary questions, divert the conversation. It was 2005 and Kasih by a local band was getting viral, or at least I kept it on repeat. The base notes tugged at my soul every time. Where were you? It was 2008 and my heart was torn.. 

On the radio-o-O! 

I cried an awful lot that year.

It's 2013 now, the concrete jungle has gotten the best of me. I lost contact with my music. My work became my world. I was left behind by technology (ya gotta blame somebody). I started running again, the only thing that felt like it was me in control. Do you miss your old self? The one with the tall walk and blue Adidas on her feet? The cheeky girl who grew up listening to Nirvana and Butterfingers with her brother?

I walk around town, owning it, I saw you first. The train stations and roadside feels like home in every turn of the corner. My eyes were glued onto the pavement. Everything seems the same. Dim yellow streetlight share some guidance, leading into a familiar darkness. I close my eyes. Kuala Lumpur. Everything seems the same.

It's 2013 now. I stood on the beach last week and my eyes water with every breath I took. Go back, further and further. My heart screams in sadness and I am reminded of Al-Baqi. The Everlasting one. He has been there throughout, hasn't He? 

The ignorant one was you all along, fool.