Murmurs

This is it. There will be no turning back.
"Are you sure?" I slap myself. Hard.
I don't have time for this, I told her.
We've been over this before.
Exhausted.
How many more victims does it take for her to understand.

You are the predator.

She's scared.
Let's just go while we can, I whispered.

I can't breathe.

I chug at my cherry coke. Bitter yet enticing.
I can feel the cherries dance. Merry.
Reminds me of 5th grade in Baridhara.
The district.
We were carefree and beautiful then. Well, back then. I was only one.
Something along the way made me split and lose sense of staying in unity with myself.

She's scared.
It was her that stunted our escape. Her being soft and kind makes me sick.
I hope she realizes how fake she comes across to be.
I hope she realizes that nobody remembers a hero.

This would make it better.
This would solve everything.
All we need now, is a firecracker.
A bright sparkle that would die off once the moment is over.
We could escape in the middle of all the excitement.
I have a friend who could supply us with some.

I'm sick of living like this, in shadows. Carrying around big secrets that no one dares keep.
I need to find a new path, a better way of living.
The man with the firecracker taunts me, "You are only 24 once and those days are never coming back..."
Shut up already.
How many times must this sick episode repeat itself.

But she is still scared.

TwentyFour on the 24th

I'm a solid 24 now. Countless mistakes, resolution and even more empty promises made. How will I change as the numbers accumulate? I often wonder.

I've decided that the only way to go is to look forward. I should stop thinking about what others think of me, and if it mattered that much I should care more for what my Creator thinks of me. Relevation. I need to learn to be more kind to people. Not everybody is as I want them to think, react, or believe. I want to be around those who love me. Love has always been a problematic area of my life. I came to realize that its not them, it is usually me. I've made amends with someone from my past, I think. I am happy for that.

Who am I today, and what have I achieved?

I am an engineer, still on the road to discovery of the world in full bloom.

I am a daughter, away from my family, in search of what I can claim as mine.

I am human, still in need of your companionship to keep me sane.

I am a lover, learning to love, like you and for all that,

I have You to be thankful to.

Syukur. Alhamdulillah.

***

Thank you to those who dropped a note and made this day a truly wonderful day to remember. Danke.

Week #5 : Santa & The Project

OTS CTS 019915 + Carl

Not really in the mood to update. But Week #5 was reservoir engineering week. We had Carl come all the way from the states to teach us. He had a thing for geologists. As would all Reservoir Engineers/Production Engineers do I suppose. He is just so funny. And he knows he looks like santa. How cool is that. Cuts away all the guilt from calling him santa in our ym messages!

Loitering the hallways in between presentations,

posed with Andre, Thomas and cutesy May.

Then came the BIG day. Our project 1 presentation. Obviously all the groups procrastinated till the very end and resulted in everyone not getting enough sleep. Every group took 30 minutes to present and then the class had to leave and the presenting group were grilled by our instructor(s). It was ok, they say the 1st one is always the hardest. Scared shit to face the remaining 2 projects.

Felix catching up on his sleep at our place.

During RE week, Dr. Xin is presenting their group's findings from PIPESIM.

Snapshot of our brainstorming session (pic with Azwan). Over at our place in Gabriel Cresent.

One of our old classes. We stayed here for 2 days, classroom 14.

Week #6 we learnt cementing and bla bla bla.. we played SIX rounds of friggin PAINTBALL!!

Infinite Melancholy Sadness

I'm not sure if the title came from a song or it is original. But someone gave me a writing with this as the title. To that someone. Sometimes I miss you. And when I do, everything seems to lose its meaning and my world definitely crumble into pieces.

I just finished taking my test. I am having my period. Is that the main reason to why I am being emotional lately? Or is it his unjust timing of leaving me once in a while that is to blame. Whatever it is. This is super suckkyy.

Losing too is still ours; and even forgetting

still has a shape in the kingdom of transformation.

When something’s let go of, it circles; and though we are

rarely the center of the circle, it draws around us its unbroken, marvelous

curve.