Depressed

Can't really make up my mind on how to spell the damned word depressed. Double pp, double dd, double ss. Whatever.

I just got back from 1 week off with my family. I really miss my mama. I have been crying a lot lately. I can't seem to find my rhythm. The one I had not becaused I enjoyed what I was doing, but because it was the only way I could face another day.

I am seriously losing it.

Oh tolong la bg aku keje lain.

Chart Yourself

I had an interesting question shot straight at me. “If you were to chart your life, how would you do it?”

Would it be on the countries you’ve traveled? Or the new friends you make? I gave it a thought. I haven’t felt very much at place here in my job. At times I hate the mere existence of it. Why why why??!!!

I always seem to take things very seriously. One of my friend even joked at me saying that I am no longer the cheerful person I used to be. Yeah, so they say loathing about yourself really does you no good. But it was getting to a point that was worrying me. My buddy posted a composition on how life was meant to be lived full of joy and love, not breaking our minds and bodies trying to make a penny more than Jack from next door. And in the process of doing that, we eventually lose all the time that God has granted to us to make good use of to be with our families and loved ones.

Oh lemme say it here. This is all happening to me. FUCK!!

Yeah, so back to the purpose of this post. I thought that the best way to chart my life would be making the axis based on my personal achievements. It’s the only way I know how to keep feeling good about myself out here in the open. I am so vulnerable to people’s (men’s, if you please) teasing, mental abusing, harsh talking, in your face bullshitting, that I don’t know if I can make it out alive.

Please God, Please, Please. Just this once, give me the strength to face tomorrow.

It’s hard to explain these things to the third person, especially my parents because they live so far. Am I giving too many excuses? I wish they could see/hear/know the things I go through and still relate to why it is I keep going back to this job. I wish they knew.

On a lighter note, my chopper is confirmed for the 2nd of June. Yeay! Balik ke darat. Mase untuk menyembah boss. Wakaka!!

One sweet day, I will look back at this post and smile to myself. InsyaAllah.

In a cookie

I am having difficulty with my cookie. I can't open gmail, or even my blogger. I can't leave messages on my friends' frenster pages and so I can't update as often as I'd like to. Crap.



Cookies are out to get me! Haha. Tu la, dok sebut cookie-cookie lg.



My chopper is on the 2nd. Oyea!

A taste of offshore

Clockwise: Madi, me and Adzlan.

Im offshore. Still. And its only my 9th day away from terra firma. This is how it looks like from here, sometimes. It takes some getting used to, but you could say that now I don't have a problem crossing the 'bridge' (don't really know the formal name for it) that connects the 2 platforms together. The two being the drilling platform where they have all the wells, and the processing platform.

Thats the bridge I was talking about. That is RCPP. Our Living Quarters are there too. I work from 630am to 1830 hrs.

The smoking area, the boys smoke all the time. Going to RDPA (the drilling platform), coming back to eat, before meetings... and the list goes on like crazy. Adzlan and I would be the only ones going 'lebams' waiting for the ordeal to finish.

Mijie and lan. One supervisor, one vacation trainee. Two good guys.

Madi, our pump operator. Always around to make my day with a stupid joke or two. I'll post more later.