Pimple cream & I

Happy and you left me alone in the corner. I have some good news, will you be around to share them with me? My forehead is speckled silly with pimples. I felt adequately 14 as I browsed the shelves of the pharmacy for pimple cream.

A loyal bike, a forlorn set of racing tyres. Those are welcomed constants. 

Now that the holy month has left me, I feel unsteady, like a kid who just took off his training wheels. Metallica is playing on the 21st and I am going to go on a long awaited hiking trip. This will be exciting. Thanks for all the unnessecary buying, my favourite is the mini vacuum. Apprec8  love. 

Lets go to all our favourite places and pretend we could eat fast food our whole life through. I feel special everytime its just the two of us. 

***

Tell me a secret, tell me anything.
What's your weapon? What's your middle name?
What do you believe in? What's your animal?
Are you a cat or a dog person?

(I never knew you)

I wanna be a pillionn

Do you know the song, 'I wanna win a million' by Too Phat, in their Plan B album? Listen to it, as I sing the chorus in vain when I typed up the title of this entry. The word pillion and I go way back.. And in irony too. My F who is a die-hard speed junkie knows nothing of it, and my self-proclaimed english freek has never heard of it till 2008. Of course F would not know since pillion basically would imply he'd be sharing his ride..something he would not risk unless its none other then with moi, the queen of his hearts.

I read the passenger aka pillion needs to have as much protection as the rider himself. I joke and say I will wear my neon blue workeout gloves so I have better grip when he hits the brakes. He'd probably commit suicide first before he'd let me do that though..

Its a vice, just like you smoking.. Speed kills. But death is so near you can't smell it. So whats the point of stopping them again? The point is on the day of judgemet He will ask you why you did not take better care of his greatest gift to you, your physical being. The thrill of the speed is exhilarating to the point that it scares the shitties out of me that maybe it does have some hidden hikmah that I shall never find out so openly.

***

Under the tight helmet, I can only hear myself breathe. The visor down, and the wind is muted to a gentle buzz. I can't nag at F to have pity on me as he takes the corners of AKLEH, he won't be able to hear me. I pinch him in the stomach. He pulls his left arm away from the handle and rests it on my left leg, reassuring me. I can't help but smile. In this mechanical silence, I decide to think of Him, and let Him decide how it is we shall all die.

Kendong Again

Kampung Kendong, although you are not the place where I grew up in, we treat you like an old home, making plans while you are still standing. We try to find our favourite place to stow away for a mid-day nap. The best places would usually be on the sofa seat hidden in the faraway guest hall. You could basically hear nothing. If nothing was a sound, it was only present when you went back home to Kendong. 

We celebrate breakfast, at the earliest hours of 7am after prayers and a 20minute round of tug of war with the cousin next to you cause you could not place your duvet.. Instead it lies safely intertwined between the legs of your barbaric younger cousins. Kids.

In between breakfast and dinner.. A long pause of sunlight that is too bright for you to go out and enjoy. But the day's washing seemed to be doing so well. I'll just wash my stuff back home, I say lazily.

Come late afternoon where the humidity makes your hair stick between layers of your neck, the demand for iced drinks rises. Younger kids would make any excuse to go for a ride.. Ice-cream! Ice-cream you'd shout at them and tip them heavily with a 50 ringgit note. Ice-cream soda, too. I pedal Atok's bike down the empty road and stop by the massive green field. Kids playing football and hitting on me. Im old enough to be your mom.

The skies speckled with stars, night time falls and everyone looks forward to the evening agenda. Is something good playing on telly? Did someone bring home a big stock of firecrackers? Whats cooking..are you still hungry?! Reminsce the previous years when everyone was single or the fat cousin was as big as a lonely lamp post. Burst out laughing till your bugger comes out of your nose. Wipe it secretly under the concrete pillars of late Atok's front porch.

Mika now sees the world differently, it must be a generation gap thing but I beg to differ. You get bonus points for day dreaming about His creation. The trees, the monkeys, fruits you adore so much. Next year, we'll go on a fun trip and hope to score big points as I plan to dwell and relive the prophet's days in seclusion..maybe not so much of his fear..

***

"Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding...Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], "Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire..."

3:190-191

Solo yolo

Mama still the fairest of them all..

I've mastered the art of cooking for one. And trying to scrape the most out of all my dying veggies inside the fridge. You came when the sun was ready to set, the sky was crimson and made everything  tainted in a higher Kelvin number. I enjoy tanned skin faces and how the sun hits your eyes - makes them more dreamier and deeper for me to fall. Welcome home, sayang. It was Ramadhan 18.

Chua Boon Huat died last night of a car accident young age of 33. Nigella Lawson filed for divorce..current turn of events, none as important as your return home. Ramadhan 26 you will depart again, leaving me in a perfectly beautiful empty house. And I am reborn, into the hard shelled independent stubborn monster you have made me become.

It takes a single mom to know another single mom. I don't let it go to my head, so I try not to talk too much about it. Brushing off comments of friends in awe and reassuring my parents that I was made for this shit.

Like all other mornings you leave, it was a cold dark morning, my nose swelled from the cold airconditioning. Passport? Tickets? Short meaningless questions to the traveler. Its like a movie, and I am supposed to cry now. Right before he pulls me in for a hug. You'll be fine don't cry so much. This time its different. I refuse to cry because I'm still sleepy. And deep down, I can't put my finger on what it is about him that I am supposed to miss. Evidently, I have disconnected.

***

"And the heart of Musa's mother was free (from anxiety) she would have almost disclosed it had We not strengthened her heart so that she might be of the believers..."

28:10

Happy final days of fasting.