Repeat repeat repeat

Bulan ni banyak aku menitiskan air mata, kenapa? Sebab aku lihat Wardina dalam video dia cakap, biar lah ramadan ini kita banyak menangis dan menyesali apa yang kita telah kerjakan dulu..all the sins, the wrong doings, the hurtful ways we treated others. Sebab itu ke? Sebab Wardina ke? Aku memang idolize Wardina pon. So want to be like her. Just like her. Sure this sounds so petty. Trivial even.

That is probably why we fail to find the love for our Prophet (praise be upon him) and the things he fought for. I am still the logic-wired me, finding reasons to love him for without, I can't seem to brain why I need to love him..Such bold confessions. Makes your life seems empty, doesn't it?

The Prophet was a great man, all that good stuff you can read for yourself in numerous books and writings.. I just remember him as the one closest to the Maker and the one that will save me when my turn comes to the day of judgement. Even the angels pray for him.. Again, logic tells me that there must be a reason why even the angels would pray for him, and read the quran with him during the nights of Ramadhan. Why can't I put him on his much worthy pedestal? 

And so I read, and I try to understand what it was He wanted me to know. Perhaps when you are taught these things in young age, you can't relate..because nothing of such great impact has ever happened in your life. You never lost a parent, a sibling.. all you did was made choices that could never be undo. Ever. Now my favourite guy to google is Nouman Ali Khan, instead of - some random unknowns.

I cried a lot this month. Not at all trying to say I am more pious than you, or you. Just trying to relate how sad it is, to realize these things at such a ripe age of 30.

Kopi percuma bawah meja

This was last week. My first time ever ever eating in a public place during Ramadhan. Like I said before, life is good when you have friends to do things with. Solidarity ain't for us all. Its not the way we were wired. 

I've been eyeing my site visitor stats a bit more now and none of it makes any sense to say the least. But to those of you reading up to 2007,2008.. Well.. Ok fine read on. And those reading up to 10,18 pages in one sitting is just.. A bit.. Awkward.. 

How have you been, the last 19 days of fasting? Are your spirits still up? Do you still believe every prayer you say will be the one He will make come true? Or just too busy thinking about what to wear on the morning of Eid..? Guilty!

I am waiting patiently for my emotional booster to come home. 

***

Your body might be starving, but your heart would be smiling, if only you knew how lucky you are - Tariq Ramadan

Gedong Lalu Lalang

Dusun Wan Gedong Lalang

If it was up to me, I'd upload this one pic and let the rest file up in memory..on shelves. But nah, I will grow old and forget what it was you did and your character that was of a boy 1 year an 8 months of age.

Sepetang bersama Aunty Naz, Aunty Dila..and the Engris Teacho

Wah kalah org puase Mika! Take 5 atas sofa comfy itu sebelum ukur tapak rumah Wan..

Juadah Berbuka (nages skrg kin!) Simple yet meriah. Paprik!

Naz made murtabak that day. Impressive! Simple, clean, house. Seronok sgt dpt berbuka walaupun muka tak malu menginvite diri sendiri pergi rumah org.. Sheesh! Siap dapat bekal lagi bawak pulang. Terima kasih banyak sahabatku..

Kalau boleh Mika nak join Coco moreh sekali..tapi takpe la Mika, awk tak muat tu, you know that right??

Hey Mika - awk rase dlm gambar AES yang Mama tangkap aritu nampak tak muka awk yang kepenatan dlm back seat? Damn you AES. I thought they were extinct already!!! (Mama, please..!)

***

See, I can write like normal. Its just a switch I turn ON or OFF. I've had one too many people come up to me and ask me if I am OK. I am fine..just on the road of self discovery. Its not that easy, and no one ever said it was. And no one ever said you had to do it alone, right? So accept my writing, as my deepest confessions and my abstract way of reaching out to whoever you guys are that read this space. But if you do see me, don't ask me if I am ok. I am not an open book for you to read.

 Just tell me something new and wonderful about you, that will leave me with awe and make me smile.

Sejuk dan rapuh

a : sejuk kan KL?
n : aah weh, hujan kot.. kau mcm mana beb, sehat?
a : aku OK, cam biase la sayu sikit
n : eh...nape ko sayu mayu lagi..?
a : aku baru realize byk bende..hahaha. macam da 30 ni baru paham apa Tuhan kata selama ni 
n  : oh..
a : so its a lot nak telan
n : it is..
a : ahh babe, byk kau da ajar aku la. sedih.

Maka KL pon banjir..baik di Citibank mahupun di Menara 1 KLCC. Everything seems better when you have someone to do it with.

***

Aku tak mengerti, apa yang mungkin terjadi. Sepenuh hatiku, aku tak mengerti.