Vivid dreams

This time it is so different. 

I have been having these weird dreams and you promised they were suppose to go away. Heavily drugged, I find myself numb in my toes but my fingers could feel the hard throbbing of my heart the minute I am awake. Such a bad dream, I shut my eyes in disbelief, calming myself with some yin breathing. I feel myself sink deeper into the mattress. The alarm goes off again and I stomp my fingers on snooze.

Why now? 

Its been a while, since I last dreamt of you. At least it was a pleasant encounter. We had a decent conversation which I recall nothing of. Our circle seems to be getting smaller - are you clausterphobic?

A lot of people will never get why I do yoga - I need constant practise and method on how to let go. To be reminded, constantly, like a dory fish.

I lay now in my bed, ready for slumber. And yet I am so restless I do not want to meet you again. 

This time it is so different. You promised, uncertain yourself.

hcmc

Feels like I am the last person to set foot here. The densely populated streets, the crazy number of motorbikes, the lack of system for crossing streets and main roads.

I learned the acronym a while back. I didn't even recall it being a capital city of anywhere. Cause it changed names.

The food was wonderful and green, raw and fresh. I could repeat the noodles, the spring rolls, the cut fruits.. the wonderfully rich mocha like vietnamese coffee - that everyone has sworn you'd never be able to replicate at home. I refuse to believe this but have yet to try.

I wished I had more energy, and more time to explore you. I bet the countrysides are even more breathtaking.

Thank you for letting me pretend I am french-asian. Letting me walk around in my sleeping pants. Letting the cool breeze kiss my face as I trail along the empty palace. Letting me panic from Mika's sudden crying whilst inside the Cu Chi tunnel.

Enticing my senses, stretching my imagination.

Alo 2015!!!

New year yawnnn.

Am so late, I know. This year I am blessed with so many things. Mainly my parents back home for good. And the slow activity of the oil business has caused F to hang out longer at home. At the back of my mind for sure I am worried about him and his status. You need to keep the faith, and sleep knowing that its not in your hands and that al-Alim will take care of things for you and the family.

I had a wonderful 2014, Alhamdulillah. And I am sure you did too. May we be blessed in every way possible and be not a burden to anyone around us.

Take care.

Make cake?

Amazing is the cross paths that we sort of choose for ourselves - as a friend, as an employee, as a mother, as a wife..a person. As Mika's birthday grew closer I was wondering what I could do to celebrate it without being too extravagant and putting things to waste. Something simple and basic. Instantaneously I recalled birthday pictures taken from '87 and '88 when I was just a mere baby and Ashrul was a plump hell of a boy. Zarina said she could still remember her mix matched birthday cake that her parents made for her 3rd birthday. Amazing, I can only recally my 5th or 6th birthday cake.

We were in Pontianak, and literally the kitchen was as big as the living room. There were corners that I never set my tiny foot on (or so I shall continue to believe - well actually I asked my parents about the kitchen over the weekend) the dark corner was closest to the toilet that I never dared stepped foot into. 

I decided to make Mika a cake for his big 3. Its the orange and poppy seed butter cake with maximum sugar control (didn't taste ANY) and for the icing, I made butter frosting and used crushed raspberries, cherries and blueberries. Only to figure out after that pinkish fruit frosting doesn't really go well with a boy's birthday theme. It's still my party, even though I've reached the 3 year old mark about 10 times now.

Happy birthday my boy. Mama knows you love cake!!