If escapism was a choice..

I loved greatly but always felt like I was not getting more or I deserved more than I got..sometimes this feeling is so great that I make it a point to hang out with my friends so that I remember what my character is like. Its so lame I know - but is it part of motherhood?

I did not live gently - I do not recycle, do not eat organic thus encouraging the harmful chemicals used by harvesters and farmers, although I do take the train and avoid littering in public, my carbon footprint is still pretty massive.

The last one is a bit hard.. What did I have to let go in life? Almost nothing. From the way I see it life is all choices and decisions you make for yourself. Not because one option became unavailable that you had to take the 2nd choice. The more I think about it the more I think I am not graceful at all.. Mainly because of the fact that I can't let go of one thing that has been bothering me ever since. I guess this year I need to work on finding closure and self forgiveness..

To a healthier and self fulfilling year ahead. 

Please take me to Bali?

Say something about 2013...

Heavily influenced by the love story and kind hearts the winners of the latest season of x-factor..I felt the beauty of what it was like being in love. Congrats. You guys deserve to be happy!

Prying myself off the office table, away from the keyboard and not pounding my head on deadlines and novel approach of anything fancy - I will be away on vacation starting next week. I deserve a rest. Sleep in heavenly peace.

A lot of new surprises I can see in the horizon

. I am not too sure what to make of it. Thinking conceitedly I would also say that God is playing tricks on me and I am not sure what to make of the options open to me.. Ultimately I am targetting to move abroad and isolate myself from domestic drama. More realistically, I have the choice of either a braindead repetitive workscope or a sunny beachside party workscope. Obviously - hands down the beachside party wins but hey hey life is not a free ticket to your dream job without a challenge or two. Anyways, February 2014 - the month where I turn 30 - thats probably when I will get to know which of the assignments I will be taking up.

But, say something about 2013? 

Millions of photographs and bookloads of achievements - be it myself or of others around me. The one thing that cancels off all the other alarm bells in 2013 was it will always be the year where the ghost haunted me the worst.

Thank you, for haunting. I made some new friends along the way, with shared interest and objectives in life. I lost a few friends too - although we may not admit it openly but we both know we are not as close as we used to be. 

Maybe I will move closer to the beach in 2014. We'll see.

Mika at 2

Hello hello, how time flies? Only a few blinks ago were you my tiny man. My mini me.  My cry baby of a bodyguard in making.

You are 2 now. You can mimic sounds and songs that are catchy - read : RHCP's Ethiopia is one of them. You sulk like a perfect princess no kidding I am seriously wondering if I do that in front of you? I opt to believe I do not.  

Cars trucks trains and cranes amaze you without fail, and I have a hard time keeping up what each of your verbal sounds mean. You refuse to repeat after me - even for a sip of sweet tea. Pointing and nodding is your chosen mode of communication.

You hate to brush ur teeth and boy u pee so much! My ultimate fear is that you grow up in the absence of a manly character around the house, afterall it is just you and me.

I got you a fire truck for your birthday, it isn't much really. Nothing I can get you that will be so great. Nothing beats memories, you will learn this when you get older, I hope..

Happy birthday my boy. I hope you will grow up to be the happiest boy ever.  

Pillow marks on my cheeks

And I lay at night, in my comfortable bed. The air conditioning humming, you heaving through breaths and in deep slumber..

What am I supposed to think about now, that you have gone? 

I realized I have stopped thinking about you. And my heart sort of stopped beating in wonder. Now it just beats. A beat.

Be on the right path, Kin. Everything has happened and is happening for a reason.