Cummulous Nimbus

The sky is playing games with me today. From a swollen dark purple, stream of orange lights up the horizon. It is a new day. I take a deep breath and feel a deep sort of sadness. Two of my malaysian crew are leaving. They were the only thing that made me felt like I was at home. The bed I sleep in is warm, sheltered. Fuzzy to the touch of the plural duvets that I have opted to monopolize. Before I sleep, I think about happy moments I like to replay. Short phrases, places, faces, foot steps.

The sky is a shade of light blue, crisp and chirpy. The wind blows steadily, drying my break of sweat. Sounds of waves crashing gently below me fills in the background. Its as if God did not want me to feel so empty and alone. Up ahead, there is an array of fluffy cumulous nimbus. They remind me of you. And right beside them, an army of dark clouds outline the nearby platforms.

It felt like God was teasing me. The sky transforms every few minutes, always unpredictable, always spectacular. Of course He is the only one who can determine my fate, the day's course of events. I am merely a chess piece and believe that God knows what is best for me.

For now, my place is here.

Fibrefuns

Cuma enam hari yang lepas aku mengarang 'let it rain'. Kini aku berada di dalam bilik 312 atas kapal kecil Ajang Haidah. Sedap kan nama kapal ni? Kenapa cepat sangat rasa rindu. Dan menjurus ke arah ingin menangis. Aku memilih untuk mendengar lagu gembira. Lagu-lagu yang kedengaran tiap kali aku menaiki WCC dulu. Lily Allen, dan juga Letto. Lagu 'Radio' dari Regina Spektor juga menjadi lagu tema ketika sedang hangat bercinta dulu. Kini, aku seorang diri meneruskan hubungan aku dengan Regina. Aku ada album baru dan juga album lama beliau. Best juga. Spunky and unique. Satu paket Roselle kering sudah aku habiskan. Gara-gara aku mabuk malam semalam. Aku tidak mandi, atau pun berus gigi. Aku cuma mampu menyondol muka aku ke dalam bantal sambil menghidu bau-bau yang menyenangkan dari sweater dark brown yang aku pinjam dari dia. Mabuk laut ialah perkara yang aku paling tak boleh terima dalam hidup. Duduk offshore di atas pelantar macam kacang je kalau mahu dibandingkan dengan tinggal di atas boat.

Yang penting hari ini aku dapat mengirim pesanan ringkas melalui YM dan bertanyakan pada diri nya.

Awak happy tak hari ini?

Chronology of you.

Today I feel that time is a mean bitch. Not only that it passes so fast and that I am constantly trying to make it freeze, it has changed a lot around me. Change is good, or so they say. Its been a wonderful journey that I am on, and the effects of time has taken its toll. The cycle of life. When time first began, it was all beautiful like a pod in spring waiting to burst into something of promised grandeur. I was blinded by the euphoria my heart felt with every moment I spent in his presence. When time evolved I felt that I was more mature as I saw him for who he truly was and we both made our sacrifices to show how much we meant to each other.

But that was then. When time had not pass me in leaps and folds.

When time stood still I found the urge to reach out and remind you why we are here. You have always been like the moon, by gravitational force you are connected to the earth, where I am. There were times where you lost your ground and drifted away from me. Of course you never noticed. I set you free, you said.

That was then, when time was something I had ample amount of. Now its just a luxury neither of us makes good use of.

Sadly time is sprinting by me and I see you slowly swirling in a black hole of no return. You step on my feelings the way tractors do to junk metal. With brute force. Yes I hate her. But this has nothing to do with that. We never talk about these things, we never text it cause its too personal either.

We will both run out of time one day, and when the day comes I'm not sure I want to have you to blame on.

Let it rain

Who needs to be worried about rain when all you need to make you feel warm and safe is right there beside you? I know that this luxury does not make itself available for everybody. Myself included.

Its the kind of feeling you get going through old photo albums in your external hard drive. And the trail of events that seem to parade themselves in front of you when you smile with each click of your mouse.

Photography should not only be art. Its purpose is lost if it strayed away from its ultimate goal as a recording machine. Im lazy with digital editing. I dont have the time of day to edit and install the software. I'd love to if i had the time. In fact I'd love to do so many things if I had the time.

This is a picture of somewhere I love, taken from a spot I love.

Just the sight of KL will make me happy as it is so close to home. Well it is home.And that little black thing on the far right corner reminds me that I was taking this picture from the spot i love most.

The passenger seat of his car.