Ironically enough, ever since I had Mika, I kept on thinking about his death. Or deaths. It has nothing to do with postpartum depression or anything. I had a rough time feeding him since he was rooming in with us in our lovely ward 6H-7. He was always sleepy, and I had a hard time waking him up for feeding. I had milk, but I knew he wasn't drinking in as much as he should be.
My ultimate fear became reality - Mika had a tad of jaundice as his birilium (spell?) level was nearing the 200 danger mark. He spent a full 24 hours inside the nursery where lil' babies were put under the blue-ray light (ok it isn't blue-ray duh). Mothers had to go to the nursery to feed the babies. Mika always gave me a heart attack cause he was so frail and small and I had trouble waking him up...which lead me to think of him dying at such a young age.
His skin would softly slide from under his chin due to the gravity. His nostrils were like millimeter marks on a ruler. I even went to the extreme of wiping his face with water to wake him up. In the end I had to resort to pumping and having the nurses feed him.
***
On the opposite side of the age scale, it saddens me to see my mama aging so. I know its a foolish thought to think otherwise, that a women of her caliber would never age, would always stay so vibrant and energetic. I am digging a pit-less hole of sorrow by doing this, I know.
Now I've got to go enjoy the young, with the help of the old. I love you Mama.
5 comments:
haip jgn la fikir bukan2..... normal2 thing je tu.. uwaaa keep reminding jgak we are getting old walaweyyyhhhh
It is true that when we become a mother, we start to appreciate our own moms from a totally different perspective :) Sometimes I wonder how my mom did it, raising 4 kids. Seriously, I think with 1 my hands are full!
shikster.. i do the same too. thinking about my parents. it might be totally different once im a mother. i guess u somehow feel responsible for the life and perhaps death of another being. but on the bright side, granny and atok G are uber cool grandparents. and we should embrace every moment we have kan?
Kin somehow aku pun ada gak terasa mcm tu..rase kalo kaashif kene pngil dgn Allah mcm mane idup aku lpas tu.risau n pikir bukan2...n mcm mane plak kalo parents aku yg kene pngil.cukup ke bakti aku kt doranggg...uwaaaa!!
Last pic..dia senyum... :)
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