Milk in your voice

That night I listened to Jason.

I missed him so much. I imagined myself getting ready for class and as I made my way to pocket C, I would tread on the gravel pavement under the pounding sun. And most of the time, almost all the time in my life, I would wish that I was someone else.

Prettier like someone else, Happier like someone else, Richer like someone else. But never want to be me. An absolute zero.

I realized that Details in the Fabric was a duet. The coarse voice was not Jason’s. His was smoother like thick cream.

I then dreamed about having lunch at this italian place I really enjoy but never had the chance to do so in the past year. A year. Damn. I imagined myself all dolled up to suit the summery scene of the city and sit myself next to my best buddies. What would I talk about? I had never been the center of attraction ever. Let alone be the one on the know of anything current. Always a step behind, while other people were busy getting ready for the most hip and upbeat unravelling of something great, I was doing..what?

The playlist went on to the next track. This time it was Alanis.

One of my friends is getting married in December. I am wondering what that would feel like, getting yourself nailed onto one person for the rest of your life. I’m sure they are going to make if through fine.

I’m very scared of that absolute final gesture. Before the deal is sealed and can never be broken. Everyone seems to have things in place.

How I wish I was that everyone else.