To forgive is not to forget..

I have so much I want to say and ask - but it is no longer my turn to do so. I seek your health when I see others, telepathically absorbing bits and pieces from around me. The last thing we need is interaction. 

You have travelled. Its a pretty awesome collection you have. Like you said, keep the photograph and still frames in your mind ..hang it on a shelf of good health and good times..

Happy birthday! and to all the future birthdays you will have with your loved ones. This will be the last time you hear from me. No matter what each one of us does, we cant change the fact that we were a big part of each others lives in our colorful youth.

I need to apologize sincerely for the past.. kerana Dia. Saya minta maaf. 

Please continue to travel, climb, ride, play music, be the cheeky monkey you are. Love. If we cross paths one day, you'd nod and we'd exchange a brief smile and keep walking..don't look back in anger.

Thank you for everything, I wish you success and eternal happiness wherever you may be. 

Goodnight, travel well 

- The Killers

Changing the Past

Some sentences suggesting things from the past  are just so wrong. Like eating yesterday's dinner, or writing out last month's happenings. Then there is changing the past. Something I almost always think about doing every so often.

Explaining yourself sometimes makes even the cloudiest situation seem crystal clear.

I am at my lowest yet.

I ban all forms of clips, photos, status updates that shares things that I am unable to do like mountain bike riding in Nepal, or via ferrata up Mt Kinabalu, or trekking in the Gobi Desert.

Nowadays there are only a few things that can lift up my spirits. Do something kind towards others, workout, and of course the rare days where I dont tire out taming my bub into bed.

My first super weekend of the year

My first super duper chilled out, artsy, outdoorsy, fruity..everything with a Y-yi weekend! We are finally getting into rhythm at home, doing our separate chores and picking up after one another. Almost in sync. I will truly miss this if F decides to go offshore again.

 Starting our day with wonderful breakfast. I just love breakfast. I could eat it all day long. I enjoy preparing it, I think there is something romantic and wholesome about breakfast. My boy loves his fruits. I've experimented with custard, and yogurt. The latter is just too sour for my baby.

 A project that I've always wanted to do, but never got around till last Sunday!! Easy peasy, just get the floor prepped, the tees prepped so they don't stick to the other side and have water and wet wipes on standby. Mika was a bit squirmish when we did his hands and could not hold them still. We did his foot next and I touched up a bit so that they don't look too abstract. We now all have Mika's footmarks on our tees.

A trip to the park, where F had his football game. Lovely sunny weather, Mika being an angel for keeping his hat on, and still with an appetite going after his pasta, fish fingers and french toast. I am being overly descriptive for his benefit, he may wonder what it was that his pudgy fingers were trying to spoon out of the snack box.

To many more weekends like this. InsyaAllah.

5 years later

I celebrated 5 years with the blue family last September. Is it such a big deal? A lot of women I know are glued stuck to their chairs for more than the stretch I did. Personally it is a big deal since the job I have now is not what it used to be. I recall the days when I cried refusing to go to work. I did not have a sense of belonging, I did not understand what I am supposed to do, I was not aware of what I am actually capable of doing. It was just a huge hot hot mess. Which brings me to why I was a tad uptight when the 5 year stretch in the company gets shrugged off by my own – blue folks. Lemme see you try missy. You will not know how it was like to do everything on your own, no female friends who stuck around long enough to remember where you lived. It was just a huge hot hot mess from the day I started.

Like any lessons in life, once the wheels got turning, things got relatively more easy – work got to be more pleasurable and I made a lot of friends along the way. I definitely think I have gained positively from the past 5 years than anything I could’ve ever done with my life. I am happy and proud of it. My greatest achievement was making it in one piece. Who would’ve thought I’d still be here, 5 years later? Bells ring when I bring myself back to Uni years when the interviewer would ask where do you see yourself in 5 years. What a flash. My advice : make your goals concise, specific and time bound. That way, 5 years down the road you re-read your goals and targets and have a ball scrutinizing your old self for being soooo damn naïve!

I plan to stay another 5, if He wills it. My priorities have changed, and my resume constantly updated. Sometimes I do it because others think I can’t which is also a motivation factor. Mostly, I do it because I believe this is what I have to and I am yet to say “I love my job” or.. “I am good at what I do” – YET.

Hear hear.