Gangways

October was a good month for me. I learnt that I was no longer 12 and my father could no longer look after everything that caused me trouble. I could say that I took his existence for granted. How ungrateful of me.

It struck me rather shockingly when I was hundreds of miles away from shore, on a boat pretty much begging for mercy for this promotion that has gotten me up against a wall – that I needed to talk to my father.

Ever since I took up this job, all I saw was that not everyone is as nice as you hoped them to be. Like, who are you kidding? The best advice ever is, “you being too nice is not going to get you anywhere” and then came the best comment about me, “you’re too nice for this business” haha.. what kind of fucking joke do these people take me as?

I always had thought myself to be outspoken, or at least verbally strong in laying out the facts and setting things straight. But alas, my venture for the more “Wanita Melayu Terakhir” of me has only pushed me into the opposite direction of my goals. I needed to take the damned bull by the horns, for Pete’s sake! Who is this Pete by the way?

After 10 weeks being away from home, I decided it was all I needed to make myself more humble and more humane. I fought fire with fire, but am not proud of it. This is just not me. I like to reason, not be reasonably rude. Haha.

I thougt that I already had difficult people to deal with in my life, especially at work. But I was wrong. This trip has only proven that the world is full of shitbags waiting for you to clean up their mess for them.

So cliché, but I am ready to face the world! Haha. Its been a almost a month I had last set foot on mother earth. Damn damn.

Milk in your voice

That night I listened to Jason.

I missed him so much. I imagined myself getting ready for class and as I made my way to pocket C, I would tread on the gravel pavement under the pounding sun. And most of the time, almost all the time in my life, I would wish that I was someone else.

Prettier like someone else, Happier like someone else, Richer like someone else. But never want to be me. An absolute zero.

I realized that Details in the Fabric was a duet. The coarse voice was not Jason’s. His was smoother like thick cream.

I then dreamed about having lunch at this italian place I really enjoy but never had the chance to do so in the past year. A year. Damn. I imagined myself all dolled up to suit the summery scene of the city and sit myself next to my best buddies. What would I talk about? I had never been the center of attraction ever. Let alone be the one on the know of anything current. Always a step behind, while other people were busy getting ready for the most hip and upbeat unravelling of something great, I was doing..what?

The playlist went on to the next track. This time it was Alanis.

One of my friends is getting married in December. I am wondering what that would feel like, getting yourself nailed onto one person for the rest of your life. I’m sure they are going to make if through fine.

I’m very scared of that absolute final gesture. Before the deal is sealed and can never be broken. Everyone seems to have things in place.

How I wish I was that everyone else.

The Great Raya Escape!

This time, me and me girls prepped ourselves realll good. We brought like tonnes and tonnes of junk food. Chloe even made us cheesecake. Siyok wa. So the first few days the trash can outside our rooms had tell-tales signs of continuous pigging out occuring. Haha. Beh Beh.

The weather was good, not too strong wind or rainshower. Mama was like, " Kau tak tgk berita ke dik. Satu dunia tgh ribut2 korang lak lg nakg tgh2 laut.." Haha. Entah la ma, ni je cara nak cepat balik. Betahan ok!

Oh forgot to mention, Chloe even brought 2 jars of deliciously spicy sambal ikan bilis ok. Indonesia style! Oh me lovey dovey. Don't over do it or else I will feel the afternoon heat in my tummy! Damn. So today after sungkai for the last time this year, we decided to hunt down the Capitan. Or vessel Master as they call it.

Master John Koh. He's funny and cheerful, but I guess staying so long in the seas does that to a man.

We packed our bags once the vessel reached Muara. Apparently, there were some equipment on board Ajang that had already expired. Luckily for us, it was on the eve of Raya. Rezeki.. So dapat la balik =)

Walked our way out of the jetty/anchorage with our beloved laptop bags and other knick-knacks. So girang! The sea made me sick like crazy lah. Mati wo.

Nama pon jetty kan. So this one is for you. Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin!!

Dapat jugak aku dgr takbir raya..ingtkan malam raye aku sorang2 je takbir dlm hati. Syukur!! Esok beraya di rumah nenek Haya. And this time, Chloe is spending the night over as well!!

Twelv with MJ's

Haya's Dad (Mat Jaya) birthday was on the 29th of September, but we were pretty much due for the boat departure by then. So Haya booked a place for us to sungkai as well as celebrate her dad's birthday.

Nenek and Atok Laut Haya was there, so she had to don on something more sopan. Harks harks. This is some of her family members. Her pretty sister Pijah, Elmo y aku rase suke kat aku tp tape, her mum, MJ himself , Haya and Mel. Haya has another sister Titin and brother Adul.


Kan aku cakap Elmo ni suke aku. Haha. Jgn tak cayee =P He is so cute ok! And of course I already took the liberty of piggy-backing him mase kat rumah. Berat siots.

The other guests, Elmo, Me, Nadia (Haya's friend), Titin, Maid haya, Nenek and Atok Haya.

Later MJ got himself a nice pressie. A brand spanking new handphone. And he like immediately took out the sim card and had one of the daughters put it in for him. Haha. Mmg kewl la ayah die.

After that, I dragged Haya and Mell to take me to the Mall for another round of tudung borong-ing. Nanti turun kapal da bukan raye lg. Sure da tade da soldes ni. Met up with Tina and Jas at the food court upstairs. Balik. Tido cam org gile. The next morning we had to board Ajang Hormat. Again.