Cinta baru saya.

Kerja shift ni memang mencabar. Bila habis shift, kita berharap ada org yang setia menanti untuk merawat luka, menceriakan suasana atau bertanyakan khabar. Kenapa tak ada sms?

Awk kata saya suka cari gaduh.

Tak mengapa. Saya cari penyelesaian sendiri dalam web. Saya terubat dengan nukilan Mohd Jayzuan, whomever you may be, thank you for this entry.

Ia membawa saya pulang ke titik permulaan kita. WCC yang dihuni lipas pun saya sanggup naik, gara-gara nak bersama awk.

Mungkin awk pun mahu membaca peristiwa cinta ini, supaya awk tidak menjadi orang yang lupa.

Lupa kenapa saya terlalu berharap pada awk.

Mahukan semua.

My future milestones :

1. My 2-year promotion
2. T is for.
3. My 3-year final project/promotion
4. K is for.

5. Sambung belajar. Seriously. Tapi tak pasti nak sambung belajar dalam jurusan apa. It would take some time to find out what I am eligible to enroll for. Maybe something totally different like MBA or the likes. International Affairs? Journalism? Hah. Those are pipe dreams down the drain.

6. If #5 fails..then I should just concentrate at living the blue life.

Tad sad I've been had.

Sang Curious.

Sedang aku menunggu pakcik kelakar dari Weatherford untuk kembali ke atas pelantar, aku memilih untuk berangan dengan bebas sambil duduk bodoh di tepi i-beam ditemani pemandangan si Ajang Haidah.

Aku terfikir. Bagaimanakah agaknya akan diri ku sekiranya dahulu aku memilih untuk mencuba segalanya? Banyak perkara yang aku agak ketinggalan. Ok. Jangan panik. Aku cuma mengaju kan sahaja soalan ini. Mungkin persoalan ini timbul akibat pengaruh rakan-rakan sekeliling. Tapi sebenarnya, tidak. Perkara ini telah pun ku kaji sejak berada di bangku sekolah, gred 6 di Dhaka.

Waktu itu aku seorang budak yang memakai seluar pendek ketika berbasikal mengelilingi premis kota Dhaka. Dan berseluar panjang untuk pergi ke sekolah kerana Mama sudah pesan padaku bahawa Ayah tidak suka aku berseluar pendek. Ok lah. Apa kaitan?

Bagaimana pula dengan aktiviti seperti cuba pergi clubbing, out to partayy, atau co-ed lifestyle? Simply put. Co-ed tidak lah membuat aku rasa begitu janggal, dutifully due to my upbringing abroad.

Ya, aku sedar aku merewang jauh dari tajuk atau fokus sebenar. Persoalan nya di sini. Memandangkan aku tidak pernah mencuba arak, menindik lidah atau kening atau pusat (tetapi 3 di telinga), merokok (cubaan sekadar 2-3 puff tidak diambil kira ok), mahupun mencuba apa-apa jenis dadah suka ria, adakah ia akan merupakan satu downshide buat diriku sekiranya aku berdepan dengan situasi dimana aku mahu menegakkan pendirianku versus bakal anak-anakku kelak?

Dan ya, aku kerap merasakan kegagalan dalam aspek ini simply because aku tidak mempunyai pengalaman atau dasar kukuh untuk menang dlm rebuttal tersebut.

Original and Fresh

There was a period in time where I was a copy cat. It was rather recent, actually. Remember the person I was stalking-following-admiring from afar? Yeah, it was rather inspiring really. I could see which aspect of her that came across as appealing, attractive, a total bombshell.

I took snippets of her life and tried to incorporate them into mine. It was rather scary at first, which in time turned out to make me feel very sad. A lot of copying was done. From simple color schemes, to the way she accessorized - simple and understated. The pieces she'd wear, and to what kind of event she would wear them to - clean cut and chic. I personally felt that I had the same of fashion flair for colors and contrast. Staying true to myself became hard. A lot things I could not duplicate merely due to the fact that I am a tad conservative. I morphed. I had to make this style work for me.

At first it was a lot of fun, shopping for pieces that has 'ME' written all over it and then in the back of my mind I would ask, now would she wear this..? Playing pretend is kind of hard, especially if you don't have a written script or wardrobe lady to assist you.

I didn't quit cold turkey. I did it gradually. I liked the bright colors I am, the bold patterns I am, the sparkly pieces I am. I needed to stay true to myself. This discovery came across as a wake-up call. And I'm a quarter of a century old to realize that I can never be someone else. I will never have a perfect complexion, a body to die for, a knack for things unique, anything extra ordinary.

Who cares if I'm not flawless. You're special if you believe in it.